Songs of Sodom
by DarkWriterXX94
Summary: "Beca you make me feel something I absolutely cannot feel" Aubrey whispered. Beca is sent to the Westmore Institute meant to cure gay teens of their homosexuality. Yet, she is persistent that she isn't sick and can't recover from who she is. But what happens when she begins to fall in love with her roommate, Aubrey, who is dedicated to making a full recovery? Mitchsen ex-Bechloe.
1. Arrival

_**Hey Everyone, I'm back with a new story. I hope you all are open to this type of story. I've never been to straight camp so everything I right here is based upon a lot of research I did for this story. Also, I have some original characters in this story and I thought I'd give a face to the names. I have a couple of chapters written so who knows, if I get enough positive feedback, I might post another chapter. I hope you enjoy reading. **_

_**Amanda: Lorde (The Singer)**_

_**Warden Westmore: Candice Bergen**_

_**Jordan: Helen Hunt**_

_**P.S: Warning, there's a lot of swearing this chapter. There probably wont be this much in the rest of the story but I just thought I'd let you know it's in this chapter.**_

* * *

Chapter 1: Arrival

"_Good morning Atlanta! That was Simply Red with _"If You Don't Know Be by Now."_ It's 70 degrees and—_

Beca's hand slammed down hard on her alarm clock, effectively silence the radio with her thumb pressing the snooze button. Sighing contently, she turned over in her bed, allowing her body to return to its slumbered state.

"Rebecca." This couldn't be happening. It was Saturday morning; the first Saturday morning of her summer break following her final year of high school. With that being said, she was more than expecting to be able to sleep in. So, to hear her stepfather, whom she hated, calling her name did nothing more than piss her off.

"Leave me alone!" she murmured, pulling her pillow over her head to drown out his voice.

"Rebecca, get up now!" he yelled, his voice much closer than it was before. Grumbling in disapproval, she sat up abruptly, and threw a pillow at where he stood in the door. Grabbing her cover, she pulled it up further over her body not wanting him to see her in her pajamas. She could have sworn she locked her door the night before.

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Beca? BE-CA. It's not that damn hard."

"Watch your language honey. Liam just wants you to get up so that we can all go out." Her mother, Jennifer, reprimanded, stepping from behind her husband into Beca's makeshift room in the attic.

"Well, tell him to get the fuck out of my room! He's not my father so he can't tell me shit!" She complained, not even bothering to address the man she despised standing so close to her bed. There were many reasons why she didn't want him in her room and his attitude wasn't the reason. His arms were crossed in front of him as he eyed her with disdain and disapproval.

"Listen here you little bitch, get the hell up and get dressed!" He demanded. When Beca looked as if she wasn't prepared to move any time sooner, he stormed over to her, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her out of the bed, forcefully throwing her to the carpeted floor below them.

"Liam—"her mother began only to be stopped by the older man pushing her to the side.

"Pack your stuff, now! You're out of this house."

"You can't kick me out! This was my father's house, you bastard! I can—"she was cut off by the hard impact of his palm against her face. Her hand immediately flew up to her mouth, already taking note of the copper taste of blood that began to pool into her mouth.

Jennifer immediately put herself between the two, pleading with her husband to wait outside and cool off.

"Please, Liam. I'll talk to her, just wait outside."

Glaring at the small musician, he stomped away, slamming the door behind him.

"Take a seat, Beca." Jennifer instructed, searching through Beca's dresser for a towel.

"What in the hell, mom?"

"It's ok, Beca. He didn't mean it." She whispered, reaching out to place the small towel at the bruise on her daughter's lip.

"Why do you always do that?" Beca cried out, snatching the towel from her mother's hand.

"Do what?" Jennifer asked, feigning ignorance despite knowing exactly what it was her daughter was referring to.

"Defend him. He's constantly hitting me and beating the shit out of you and yet you keep making excuses for him."

"I don't expect you to understand. It's—it's complicated."

"There's nothing complicated about it mom. He's abusing you—he's abusing us and you refuse to deal with it."

"That's not true—"

"Ahh!" Beca cried out in frustration. "I can't stand here and listen to this bullshit anymore."

"Where are you going?" Jennifer asked the moment she saw Beca reach over to pull on a pair of jeans that lay discarded on the floor near her bed.

"To Chloe's." Beca answered tying the laces of her right Converse before reaching over to tie the left.

She hadn't been to her girlfriend's house in over a week, but it was due to redhead's mother always being the one to answer the door, quickly shutting it when she saw Beca on her porch. She knew Chloe's parents went to bible study on Saturday's so she was hoping she could see her without the interference of the annoying Elaine Beale.

"Honey, that's what Liam and I came in here to talk to you about."

"What are you talking about?"

"We—"

"Is it really 'We' or is it Liam?"

Stunned for a moment, Jennifer remained quiet and ran a hand over her skirt to try and smooth out a wrinkle.

"_We_ thought it'd be best if you went away for the summer."

Beca scoffed at the information. Of course they would try to get rid of her after she'd become the hot topic of the neighborhood's gossip.

"Where am I going to go? It's not like your family still talks to you and dad has no family besides Nana and she's dead."

"We considered several options and we thought the best place for you is a camp in South Georgia."

"South Georgia! What the hell is in South Georgia besides peach trees and a Walmart?"

"Beca, please try and be reasonable."

"Does this have to do with Chloe?" Beca asked angrily.

"Beca, we just think it's best if you spend some time away until the rumors die down." Jennifer said, reaching out to grab her daughter's hand. Beca snatched it away.

"They aren't going to go away, Mom. I'm gay. That isn't going to change next week, next month, or next year. C'mon, I told you this when I first started dating Chloe, and you were ok with it. What's changed?"

"I—Liam has just made me realize that this lifestyle you've _chosen_ for yourself isn't healthy. Ever since you met that girl you've been nothing but trouble with the tattoos, the piercings, the cursing, the marijuana—you're becoming too much to handle."

Beca stood up, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill. She _refused_ to let her see how much this was affecting her. She was tired of everyone in her life abandoning her.

"You do realize I met Chloe the month after you married Liam, right?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It _means _that maybe you're mistaking Chloe as the catalyst for my behavior. "

Sighing deeply, Jennifer stood up and walked over to Beca's closet, grabbing one of her suitcases.

"I don't know what clothes you want to take and what clothes you want to leave behind, but we should start packing. Liam wants to be on the interstate by 12."

* * *

Beca accepted the cigarette Unicycle passed to her as he rolled his skateboard back and forth with the heel of his foot. They both sat on the curb in front of her house waiting until it was time for her to leave. Beca took a deep drag and stared at the blue house across the street hoping that she would be able to see Chloe at least one more time. She held the smoke in her lungs, letting but a wisp curl out of her mouth and trickle up along her nose.

"So they're really sending you away?" the curly haired boy asking gesturing to where Liam was loading her suitcase into the trunk of his car behind them.

"Yup. They think it's best that I leave town until the rumors go away."

"Shit, the people in this town feed on gossip. You'll be gone forever." He stated taking back the cigarette to take a drag.

Watching where Beca's step father stood, he sneered, "And how's he been?" he questioned.

"Who Liam? He's been the asshole he usually is."

"Yeah, but apart from that. He hasn't tried anything with you, has he?"

"No. Aside from the usual, he hasn't done anything. I still lock my door and sleep with my pocket knife under my pillow just in case."

"Good, because if he had I wouldn't have hesitated to grab my bike and roll over his throat." He explained, flicking the remaining filter of the cigarette into the road in front of them.

"Hey, where's your unicycle anyway?" she asked pointing to the skateboard at her friend's feet.

"Sherif Woodard ran over it in his cruiser."

"That sucks." She said, sighing lightly. She reached into her jacket pocket to pull out another cigarette. She held the tobacco stick between her lips as she lit a match, lighting the cigarette quickly before the wind extinguished the flame.

"Yeah it does. That fucking racist prick. Now I'm stuck with this board I found in the basement."

"Sorry man, you know I would have gone with you to see if we could lift one from the bike shop but…"

"No, I understand…are you going to go say goodbye to her?" He questioned, taking the cigarette from the small musician.

"I already tried. No one's home. I guess they dragged her along to their bible study." She said sadly, taking back the cigarette.

"Did you—"

"Beca, it's time to go" both teenagers looked back at where her mother stood by the car next to a very impatient Liam.

Sighing, she took one last drag of the cigarette before reaching between her knees to snub it out on the asphalt at her feet.

Both teenagers stood and Beca placed the cigarette in her ear, swinging her green JanSport over her shoulder.

"Well this is it." She said, extending her hand out to her friend. Smirking at her, he slapped it, their hands transforming to fist before their knuckles connected in a soft bump.

Beca walked over to the car, hating that she had to leave because of her stepfather.

"Hey, Beca?"

She turned around to where Unicycle stood.

"Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on your girl—you're mom too." He whispered.

She nodded her head once in appreciation before making her way across the front lawn to the garage.

"Did you get everything you needed?" Jennifer asked as she made her way to the passenger side of the car.

Ignoring her mother, Beca opened the car door and threw her book bag inside before climbing in.

She reached inside her book bag and pulled out her Walkman, not wanting to hear anymore of her mother's useless spiel about how much sending her away would help her. Stealing one last glance at Unicycle, whose retreating form waved at her, she inserted her new mixtape into the player. Placing her headphones over her ears, she allowed the sultry voice of Janis Joplin to drown out the surrounding world, and soon enough she was asleep.

"_I never knew I could be so in love with one person." Chloe whispered, her hand lying gently on her girlfriend's cheek. The two teenagers were in Chloe's bed, enjoying the time they had alone while her parents were away at church._

"_Me either." Beca returned. She leaned over, connecting her lips with the red head next to her. Moaning in content, Beca rolled over so that she was on top of Chloe. _

"_I love you so much." She whispered, and when she saw Chloe's eyes light up she leaned down and their lips reconnected. _

"_Chloe!" both girls shot up abruptly at the angry voice in the doorway. _

"_Mom!" _

Beca's eyes fluttered open at the brash yelling of Liam at the car in front of him.

"Liam, calm down." Jennifer chastised.

"No! The motherfucker is going like 2 miles an hour!" he screamed, slapping his hand down hard on the car horn.

Beca yawned soundly before reaching down to hit stop and rewind on her cassette player.

"Well, hello sleepyhead." Beca looked up and rolled her eyes at her mom's cheerful face staring back at her.

"What time is it?"

"A little past 3:00."

"3 o'clock! We've been on this interstate for 3 hours? Where in the hell are you taking me?"

"To Pearson. Now shut the hell up." Liam seethed with his eyes boring into hers through the rearview mirror.

"But why? I haven't done anything wrong."

"Listen you little shit. If you wanna be a pervert that's your business but I WILL NOT have the boys down at the factory laughing at me because I have a muff diver for a step child."

"Liam—"

"Don't, Jennifer! It's your fault she's like this."

Jennifer turned to look at her husband, offended by his accusation.

"My fault? How is it—"

"If you hadn't been a whore when she was little she might not be so damn scared of men."

"What are you talking about? No one made me scared of men. What don't you get? I like girls. That has nothing to do with my father or any other guy."

Jennifer meekly reached into her purse and fished out the pamphlet she'd been up all night reading. She handed it to her daughter.

Beca skeptically accepted the pamphlet from her mother.

"What in the fuck is the Westmore Institute?" she screamed.

"Honey, just read it."

"_Saving Sodom: leading teens down the spiritual path to Christ_. You're sending me to a straight camp?"

"It's going to help you honey—help make you better." Jennifer explained softly.

Beca threw the pamphlet to the side and hit play on her Walkman. Turning the volume to max, she drowned out the arguing of her mother and Liam and stared out the window for the rest of the ride until the car came to a complete stop.  
"We're here." Liam announced grumpily, putting the car in park. Beca sighed, still not believing the situation her mother allowed her husband to force her in to. She grabbed her book back and exited the car waiting. All three were made their way to the front entrance of the building.

"Good afternoon. You must be the Mitchells." an older woman greeted them at the door. As she led them inside she began her introduction.

"I am Mrs. Westmore and welcome to _The Westmore Institute_ where our mission is to help lead the lost back to the correct path of Christ."

"Hello Mrs. Westmore, I am Liam and this is my wife, Jennifer. We called this morning about my step daughter, Rebecca." Liam said, extending his hand to the blonde woman in front of them.

Beca scoffed at the use of her full name, "Beca, dammit!"

Jennifer, sensing an argument between her husband and daughter, stepped between them.

"Don't be rude, Beca. Say hello to her."

"No! This is all bullshit and I refuse to pretend like I want to be here."

Her stern demeanor faltering for a split second before sliding back into place, Mrs. Westmore turned on her heels and walked out of the main foyer.

"If you'll follow me, I will show you to your dorm where you'll meet your roommate. The two of you are accountable for the actions of the other. It is further explained in the rulebook which you will find in your room as well as a provided bible, and itinerary detailing the events of each day that you are here with us."

As they walked down the long corridor, Beca caught sight of a group of kids, maybe 6 or so, sitting in a circle. A blonde woman, whom she noticed resembled Mrs. Westmore, sat asking questions. She followed them further down the hallway, successfully tuning out Mrs. Westmore drone on about the history of the institution.

"And here we are: room 107B." Mrs. Westmore announced, opening the door. Liam followed her inside, rolling Beca's suitcase into the room with Jennifer and Beca trailing not far behind.

"Miss Posen, your new roommate has arrived. Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell, this is Aubrey Posen. She is one of our most prized patients and I am certain that she is well on her way to full recovery. Her dedication to overcoming her illness is commendable and I hope that her influence will help your daughter recover as well."

Aubrey stood up from where she sat at her desk and smiled brightly at the headmaster.

"Hello, I am Aubrey Posen." She said going over to shake Jennifer and Liam's hand.

"This is Rebecca Mitchell. I expect that you will help her get acclimated to how things are done here." Westmore instructed, eyeing Aubrey sternly.

"Yes, ma'am." She looked over at the teenager standing in the doorway and her smile faltered at the sight of the tattoos and piercings that littered the girl's body. Despite her uncomfortableness, she walked over to the alt girl and extended her hand.

Beca watched the blonde go over to her parents and shake their hands, and although she was smiling, Beca could tell from where she stood that her smile was as fake as the pearls around Mrs. Westmore's neck.

"Hello, Rebecca, I'm Aubrey."

Beca stared at the hand in front of her for a few seconds before scoffing and pushing past the blonde.

"Mom, why are you doing this to me? I know that he's the reason why you agreed to this."

Jennifer looked over at her husband, trying to mask the fear on her face from the anger she saw brewing in his.

"Beca, we just want what's best for you. And this lifestyle, we don't think it's what's good for you."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me! So you're going to just dump me here? He's only doing this so he can now beat the shit out of you without restraint."

"That's enough! Jennifer, I think it's time we go." Liam demanded, grabbing the hand of his wife.

"We'll pay for you to finish this camp but we refuse to support you any longer. After this, you have to find somewhere else to go." He said before pulling Jennifer out of the room without giving her the opportunity to say goodbye. Beca watched them leave and turned around, successfully hiding the pain at the departure of her mother.

"Well Miss Mitchell, you are in group four with Miss Posen as well as Mr. Benjamin Applebaum, and Miss Cynthia Rose Adams." Mrs. Westmore looked at the clipboard in her hand for confirmation before continuing.

"You're assigned therapist is Jordan Ramsey. Now Miss Mitchell, I expect you to become well acclimated with the handbook which includes the rules and regulations of this institution. You are forbidden from interacting with anyone outside of the members of your group until _Unification _which occurs in week 4." Mrs. Westmore extended her hand.

"Welcome Miss Mitchell to the Westmore Institute and I hope that in the next 12 weeks you will find the correct path and leave behind the ill-fated, treacherous ways of homosexuality."

Beca once again scoffed and walked away from her, not bothering to shake her hand. Mrs. Westmore sneered at her before dropping her hand to her side and exiting the room.

Beca walked over to her suitcase by the door and rolled it over to her bed. Placing her headphones back over her head and onto her ears, she quietly unpacked her clothes. Every so often, she stole a quick glance at her roommate who had returned to her desk where she appeared to be writing in a red journal that she realized wasn't there when they first arrived. For the first time Beca noticed that she wore a black turtleneck despite it being the beginning of summer. She didn't really care enough to ask about it though, so she dropped it. Once she managed to put away the last shirt in her dresser drawer she dropped her suitcase on the floor and kicked it under her bed.

She reached for her JanSport and pulled out her radio, setting it up on the nightstand next to her bed. It was a brand new Sony CFS- 45L; a gift from Unicycle for her birthday. She knew he probably lifted it from Radio Shack but she didn't care. It wasn't like she could ask her mother to get it for her since she made next to nothing at the diner where she worked and she would never ask Liam to get it for her. She never felt comfortable asking that man for anything. She didn't want to owe him anything because she had a terrible feeling he would use it against her to get what he wanted from her. All of her clothes she bought were with money she made from selling mixtapes and anything else was usually a gift. Even the Walkman she had come to love and cherish was a gift from Chloe.

Chloe.

She hated how the two had been separated so abruptly by her parents without even the chance to say goodbye. She wondered if the redhead missed her the way she missed the redhead. Of course she did. Beca knew the love that her girlfriend has expressed for her was genuine. Ever since the two began dating 2 years ago, they never spent more than a day apart. It had been two weeks since they've seen each other, and the distance was really beginning to affect her.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair; she couldn't allow her situation to get her down. She knew it would be a matter of time before she got of here and found her way back to Atlanta where she'd find Chloe and they'd run off to L.A. liked they always planned. She would make music while Chloe would go to school for photography.

Flopping down on her bed, she sorted through the rest of the stuff in her book bag including her favorite cassettes, mostly all Janis Joplin, her song book, and another pack of cigarettes.

"Was all that she said true? Do you really want to be here?"

Aubrey looked up from her book, thrown off that Beca was speaking to her.

"Yes, I do want to be here, Rebecca."

"It's Beca." She corrected.

"What?"

"Beca. Call me Beca."

"Ok _Beca._ I had my father bring here so that I could be cured of this—this sickness." Aubrey explained, closing her journal and returning it to its place in her nightstand drawer. She sat on her bed and watched as Beca hung up a poster. She read the words on the poster silently to herself.

"Who is Janis Joplin?" Aubrey questioned, not realizing she said it out loud.

Beca turned to her raising an eye brow.

"Only the greatest female singer of all time." Beca responded. She reached out on her bed and picked up a tape.

"Here, I have a recording her last concert." She said, leaning over to load it into her radio only to be stopped by Aubrey.

"That isn't allowed, Rebecca." She stated.

"Radios, aside from alarm clocks are not allowed. "

Beca smirked at her as she continued to load the cassette. "You're not going to narc on me are you?"

"I am obligated to report any infractions." Was her response, as she stood, prepared to go and find a counselor.

Beca looked at her and hit play on her radio.

"Well then I guess they're going to have to kick me out."

* * *

_**So there you have it. Did you like it? One last thing, I have the pairing as Mitchsen, I'm not too sure about whether or not I want them to be endgame. Let me know what you think regarding the ending pairing.**_


	2. Introductions

_**In this story I have it written in 1989 I have original bands that are based on real bands to make it easier to avoid anachronisms with the music. **_

_**Keep forgetting to put those statements in the beginning, so here it is**_

_**I don't own Pitch Perfect or any of the characters because if I did, Beca definitely wouldn't have kissed Jesse at the end.**_

* * *

**_Chapter 2_**

"Rebecca…Rebecca, wake up."

Beca's eyes flew open at the persistent calling of her name. Groaning in aggravation, she rolled over to see Aubrey standing next to her bed, her arms crossed in front of her. Beca was**NOT** in the mood to argue with her, which is why she let it slide that Aubrey was calling her by her full name.

"It's Sunday. Leave ME THE HELL ALONE!" she all but shouted.

Aubrey rolled her eyes at the alt girl before going over to her and pulling the blanket from over her roommate's body. Unfortunately for her, Beca was under the cover in just a tank top and underwear. Seeing her in this state of undress caught Aubrey completely off guard. The tattoos littering her body, the piercings, it was becoming too much to handle.

_She looks so much like Amanda_ she thought, turning away from the brunette. She quickly reached down and took the rubber band around her wrists, popping it against her skin. The quick jolt of pain quickly erased the pervading thoughts of Amanda from her mind.

"Rebecca, you have to get up. We have early Morning Prayer and an entire day of things planned. Rule 7 states that all scheduled events must be attended, as they are all mandatory."

"OH MY GOD, Aubrey! Get away from me or I will be forced to kill you." She grumbled, trying her hardest snatch back the cover from the blonde. When the older blonde relented and released the cover, Beca smiled in appreciation before her head fell back to the pillow and she dozed off once again.

When she awoke, 2 hours later she realized, she was alone. Dragging herself out of bed, she walked over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of black leather pants and pulled them over her thin legs. She grabbed her favorite denim jacket from the back of her desk chair and threw it on her over the t-shirt she slept in. she walked over to her desk and pulled out the schedule Mrs. Westmore had given her yesterday. It was a 5 minutes after 9:00 which meant she had a little less than 20 minutes to get something in her stomach. Slipping on her boots, she made her way into the half bathroom in the corner of the room and quickly brushed her teeth.

There was a lot of chatter when Beca walked into the dining hall. It was loud with the clanking of the trays on the table and silverware scraping against the hard cafeteria type trays. As Beca made her way to the line she felt as if everyone was staring at her. Humming _Welcome to the Jungle_ she continued through the line. She held out her tray and the cook placed two pancakes in the center with a cup of fruit on the side. She got to the end of the line and had a choice of coffee, tea, milk or water to drink. She chose coffee. She scanned the room looking for a place to sit. She spotted Aubrey sitting in the back at a table by herself but quickly decided against sitting with her. _Hard pass on sitting with the roommate._ After a few more seconds she found another empty table to sit at, just as she had done in high school, except senior year. That was the year Chloe had her lunch period and they always sat together. She never had money for lunch and her mother never made her anything so she usually just sat and watched Chloe eat. Then that one day in October Chloe arrived at lunch with two paper bags. She gave Beca lunch without question and she did so for the remainder of the year. That girl was a saint to Beca and she really didn't know if she would have survived without her.

"Hey, over here."

Beca stopped in her pursuit and looked up in confusion, wondering who was calling to her.

"Me?" she asked when she spotted the girl waving her over. Skeptically she made her way across the dining hall to the table where the two sat.

"Hey. Are you new here?" the African American girl with pink hair asked. Beca nodded her head, as she reached down and cut her pancakes in half.

"Yeah, I am. I was dumped here yesterday."

"Oh, Ok. I'm Cynthia Rose and this is Benji." She introduced pointing to the boy sitting next to her.

"Wassup. I'm Beca. Are you two in group 4?" She asked, taking a bite of the pancake only to spit it back out in disgust. Cynthia rose nodded at her.

"That tastes like shit." she immediately reached for her coffee to try and wipe away the rancid taste in her mouth.

The coffee wasn't much better but it wasn't absolutely horrible. It was nothing compared to what she was used to from the local dinner back in Atlanta. She allowed herself two more sips to wake her up before siting the cup back down.

"Oh, so you must be Aubrey's new roommate." Cynthia Rose stated. Beca looked at her in confusion and the other girl continued.

"It's just that a couple of people said she went to Westmore complaining about tattoos and ear monstrosities. Now that we see you, we concluded that you are her roommate."

"Yup, that's me." Beca said, rolling her eyes at the thought of her uptight roommate.

"What's her deal anyway?"

Cynthia Rose looked over at Benji who smirked before going back to picking at his oatmeal.

"She's trouble. That's all I can say. This is her second summer here. The first time her parents brought her and I hear that she voluntarily entered this summer. She was a mess last year, vomiting whenever something stressed her out. Just watch yourself around her, she's a stickler for rules and won't hesitate to report you and get you thrown in isolation. She reported her last roommate for writing her girlfriend." Cynthia rose explained.

"So you're saying I can't trust her?"

"Not if you want to stay out of isolation." she finished. Beca nodded her head, her eyes glancing over to Aubrey once again. This time, however, the blonde looked up and their eyes met. Beca noticed an immediate sadness in them that was quickly masked and replaced with a stern glare. Rolling her eyes, Beca turned back to the girl in front of her.

"So where are you from?" Cynthia Rose asked trying to prevent the awkward silence she felt creeping up.

"Uh, Lake City, right outside Atlanta. What about you?"

"I'm from Savannah and Benji is from Lyerly."

"What's wrong with you?" Beca asked referring to Benji. "Why can't you speak for yourself."

Benji looked up from where he was picking at his oatmeal with his spoon and shrugged.

"I_ can_ speak for myself; I just don't have anything to say." He responded before dropping his head once again.

Beca rolled her eyes at him before picking up her cup of coffee again, noticing how much the temperature had diminished in only a few short minutes. She took another sip, nonetheless and surveyed the surrounding tables. Many of the kids there looked to be about her age and most of them didn't look too pleased to be in their current situation. Some of the people there surprised her in the fact that they seemed as if they'd still be in the closet if they weren't here.

Cynthia Rose looked over at Beca and smile to herself. If looks were anything to go off of then Cynthia Rose had a feeling that Beca would make her time there more fun. She just hoped that Beca's resolve would remain until she was able to get out of the camp. Many of the rebels that entered the Westmore Institute started off as proud individuals full of tenacity and spunk, but by the end they left with nothing but shells of their former selves. She only hoped that no matter what the Westmore Institute did, they didn't break the alt girl because people like Beca were the ones they loved to target and make an example out of.

"That's a cool tattoo." She said, her eye catching sight of a treble clef with headphones wrapped around it spanning her forearm. Beca looked down at her arm to where Cynthia Rose was pointing before smiling.

"Thanks. A buddy of mine did it for me."

"I wish I could get some ink like that but, I'm not sure which my parents would hate more: me being gay or the tattoo."

"Oh, my mom hated it. My stepdad hated it even more and that's why I kept getting them." She said mischievously.

"So you got them to piss off your step dad? You guys don't along or something?"

"Naw, I mean they all have a lot of meaning to me and making him angry was just an added bonus. He's a complete asshole that I've wanted to kill on several occasions."

"Oh. That sucks. So you like music. Are you a musician?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. I mainly write, though."

"That's awesome, man. Benji and I sing so if you ever need someone to try out your songs on, we're you're people." She enthused, nudging Benji to elicit a reaction from him. Beca smirked at her in amusement but nodded her head in agreement, nonetheless.

"What's your favorite type of music, then?"

Beca thought for a few minutes not really used to being put on the spot.

"Um, I guess it would have to be classic rock, although I really can listen to just about anything. I am a huge Deep Purple fan and I completely fan girl over Janis Joplin." Beca listed. When she saw Cynthia Rose motioning for her to continue she did, glad to have found someone who shared her taste in music and didn't dismiss it as 'tasteless garbage' like Liam had.

"I love Kurt Kramer. He's a god with a guitar. I mean 'Honey Let Me Go' is unbelievable. I wish I was there to see him perform it live when he came to Atlanta. A lot of people were saying that his guitar caught fire and he kept playing it, but I think that was just a rumor."

Benji perked up at the familiar band and found himself speaking much to the surprise of everyone at the table.

"It's no rumor. It just combusted on stage and since he had destroyed his last one like he always does after 'Roll Me Over' he had to keep playing it."

Beca's eyes rose in surprise as she turned to him.

"You like Kiss Coil?" she quipped.

"Yeah. My dad and I used to go to all their shows when they came to the south…that was before he became a drunken asshole." The table got silent after that and Beca found herself looking at Benji empathizing with his home situation.

"Well, I got their latest tape. If you wanna listen to it with me, let me know." She offered earning her a shy smile from him return.

The three sat comfortably for the next ten minutes, engaging in small talk about their lives back home, although it really was just Cynthia Rose and Beca talking with Benji offering a few words every so often. After everyone had emptied their trays they were all instructed to line up so that everyone could head over to the connecting church for service. They all stood in line, Beca's arms crossed in front of her.

"I thought you guys already had church." She whispered to CR.

Cynthia Rose turned to her and nodded her head.

"We did, but that was early Morning Prayer. No one really goes to that, except people like Aubrey. This is the actual service and it goes on for hours." She said in disdain. The three managed to find a pew with enough space for the three of them to sit together. Unfortunately, it was the second row from the front. Beca took a seat noticing her roommate sitting alone in the front row, reading her bible silently to herself. She played with the cross around her neck as she silently mouthed the words on the thin page.

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen." The pastor began, smiling at everyone in front of him. Beca rolled her eyes and slouched down in her seat prepared to fall asleep. She was never a church person. Religion never comforted her or made her life any better, so she thought it was pointless getting up on Sunday mornings to listen to a man preach hypocrisies for an hour.

"Beca?"

Beca peeked open an eye and looked over to her left where Benji was poking her.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you here?" he whispered, sneaking a glance at her before turning back to the pastor in front.

She sat up a little straighter, rolling her eyes at just the thought of why she was there.

"Because my stepdad is an ass hat." She whispered back.

"Where's your dad?"

"Hell if I know. That motherfucker ran off before I was born." She said, looking down at her hands trying to hide the disappointment.

"Well, having a dad isn't all it's cracked up to be." Benji responded dejectedly. Beca looked over at him sadly feeling immediately that this would be the thing to bring them together. Most of the people in her neighborhood lived with their parents, both of whom were happily married to each other. Not even Chloe could understand, although she would listen for hours on end as Beca talked about how much she wished her father was there and not Liam. Chloe would try to reassure her that he didn't run off because of her and a part of Beca knew it was the truth but the other part knew that she was a screw up that no one would want.

But Benji was different and Beca could feel this. Nevertheless she still was going to keep him at arm's length until she could figure out his deal and if he could be trusted. The two sat in silence for a while before Beca spoke up,

"Well, not having a father isn't so damn great either."

Benji snorted at this,

"The grass is always greener?"

"Ten fuckng shades brighter." She grunted causing him to laugh. Aubrey turned around and glared at the two of them with daggers in her eyes at their constant sniggering .Beca looked at her and pretended to be turning an imaginary handle to appear as if she was cranking up her middle finger before flipping the blonde off.

Aubrey turned around in a huff causing Benji and Beca to laugh even harder.

After church Beca was informed that they would have group therapy. All the way back to the main building of the campus, Beca couldn't help but feel anxious. It wasn't so much about being nervous of therapy itself but she didn't want to have some Shrink trying to psychoanalyze her.

"Hey, Beca. You're awfully quiet all of a sudden." Benji said using his hip to nudge her out of her reverie.

"Huh?" she said looking up from where she was distracting herself by kicking rocks as they walked along the path.

"I asked why you were so quiet," he clarified.

"It's nothing. I was just thinking?"

"About therapy?" he asked. Beca looked over at him, trying not to betray what she was thinking.

"Don't worry about it. They'll really just try and get you to figure out why you like girls. It's not that bad actually. Jordan isn't as terrible as her mother."

"Oh my gosh, so that is her mother? I thought they looked alike."

"Yeah. Unfortunate too, because Jordan isn't as bad as the others. She really only gets intense when she knows the session is being monitored." He explained as they walked up to the main building. He reached out and held the door for her before walking in behind her over to the common room where their session would be held.

"Ok. Thank Benji. I—I just don't really like to talk about stuff like that. Chloe nearly broke up with me because I wouldn't open to her." She admitted. Benji chuckled at her, the two walking to the chairs arranged in a circle.

"Tom used to be just like that." Benji said, taking a seat next to her.

"Who's Tom?" she questioned. However, seeing the hurt look on his face, she quickly tried to retract her answer.

"I'm sorry, if you don't want—"

Benji held up a hand, "No it's ok…He was my boyfriend before I first got here."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"No, it's ok. I guess he didn't need me as much as I needed him." Benji said, shrugging sadly.

Beca opened her mouth to comment but was interrupted by everyone else entering the room. Cynthia Rose immediately walked over to where the two were sitting and sat next to Beca. Aubrey sat opposite them on the other side of the circle. Four other people that Beca didn't recognize occupied the other seats leaving one seat that she guessed was reserved for the therapist.

Beca glanced over at Aubrey who was pulling a rubber band on her wrists, stretching it before letting it go. Beca watched her do this several times trying to come up with a reason for why she was doing it since she knew it had to hurt like hell.

The longer she sat there and watched the more she couldn't help but wonder about the enigma that was her roommate. Don't get her wrong, she really didn't care for the blonde or her attitude but it intrigued Beca greatly that someone like Aubrey was in a straight camp. The blonde looked like a fucking Victoria's Secret model and the last time she checked those women weren't gay. Yeah, there's no way the lesbians of the world would get that lucky.

_I wonder what she looks like in lace._

Shaking her head, Beca tried to rid herself of those thoughts. She laughed to herself as she ran a hand through her hair remembering that she had a girlfriend. So what if Chloe broke up with her; Beca knew it wasn't voluntary and as soon as she got out of this hell she would be right back with her girl and they'd run away to L.A like they had planned. Smiling to herself Beca couldn't help but remember how happy Chloe would get whenever she referred to her as 'her girl.' She said it was something about knowing she belonged to Beca that made her heart flutter.

God she missed her. That look in her eyes whenever Beca said she loved her or the way her nose crinkled whenever she was confused. She especially loved the blueness of her eyes and how she could never accurately describe it. You know how people use the sky or the ocean to describe shades of blue? They should use Chloe's eye color as well. Beca can't remember the amount of time she spent just looking into those blue orbs. She missed the sound of her voice and that laugh reserved just for her whenever Beca kissed right below her ear. Most of all—of everything there was to miss— she missed how safe she felt when she was with the redhead. No matter how rough things got at home, she knew she would always have Chloe—that Chloe would always be the constant thing in her life. When everyone had left and the smoke cleared, there standing would be the redhead that captured her heart and never gave it back.

"Hello everyone. We have someone new joining us: Rebecca Mitchell"

Beca didn't even see or hear Jordan enter the room and had to be nudged by Benji to stop daydreaming.

"Huh?"

This caused a few people to snicker except Aubrey who looked unimpressed.

Jordan smiled at her and repeated her last sentence. "I was just telling everyone your name. How about we do our introductions again so that you can get to know the people outside of your group? Rebecca this is only the second week so you didn't miss much the last session. It was basically an introduction session."

Beca rolled her eyes at this feeling like she was back in fifth grade. It was stupid. This whole thing was stupid. Why in the hell was she here?

"So we'll go around the circle and everyone will say their name, where they're from, why they're there and what they hope to gain from being here." Jordan instructed.

The girl on the left side of her sat up reluctantly in her seat and began her introduction, a strong northern accent coming out.

"Hey, I'm Jane Rizzoli. I'm from Boston and I'm here because my parents didn't like that I'd rather kiss my best friend/girlfriend Maura than that loser Casey from down the street . What do I hope to gain? Uh, a summer away from my brothers." She laughed, earning an eye roll from Aubrey. Beca laughed out loud at this and Jane looked over at her and smiled in return.

The next girl was slouched in her chair just like Beca was and her arms were crossed defiantly in front of her.

"I'm Paulie. I'm from Washington D.C. I'm here because some people can't keep a fucking secret and I don't hope to gain shit from this nuthouse."

"Paulie—"Jordan warned.

"What? What do you want me to say? I'm only here because the step monster doesn't realize that just because I like to wear men's clothing doesn't automatically mean I'm gay." She argued.

Jane rolled her eyes and looked over at Paulie. "Well are you gay?"

Paulie, who was looking at Jordan with an outraged frown, began to smirk before sitting back in her chair.

"Yeah—but that's not the point." She said causing everyone to laugh, everyone except Aubrey. Beca rolled her eyes, what the fuck was wrong with this girl. Was she a robot or something?

Next to Paulie sat a blonde haired boy. He shyly waved at the group.

"Hi. I'm Andy. I'm from Baton Rouge. I'm here because I really needed some time to really work on myself. I hope to really figure out who I am by being here."

"Hey everyone." The next boy said loudly, waving animatedly at everyone.

"I'm Eli and I'm from Birmingham. I'm here because my mom," he leaned in and placed a hand at the side of his mouth before continuing in a stage whisper. "She caught me in a _very compromising_ position with my boyfriend and a cucumber." He said eliciting a very large laugh from everyone. Jordan turned bright red at this comment and reprimanded him about appropriate behavior.

"Hey, I'm Cynthia rose. I'm from Savannah. Why I'm here? I had an answer for that about 3 years ago, but after 3 summers in this place, I'm really not so sure anymore. What I hope to gain? I don't know—a new friend." She said, sneaking a glance at Beca.

The room was silent after that and Beca looked up to see who was next in line only to realize it was her.

"Shit. I'm next aren't I?" she said to no one in particular. Rubbing the back of her neck, she brought her right leg up, letting it rest across her left.

"I'm Beca. Don't ever call me Rebecca." She warned.

"I'm from Lake City here in Georgia. I don't know why I'm here and I doubt I'll gain anything either." Jordan scribbled something on her memo pad before looking back at Beca.

"Beca, there is a reason why you're here. I'd like to hear what you think that reason is."

Beca rolled her eyes. "What the fuck does it matter? If I guess right do I win something?" she asked and paused for effect before continuing. "Yeah, I didn't think so. The reason I'm here is sitting at home beating the shit out of my mother and the next time I see him I'm going to kick his teeth down his throat."

Everyone around the room watched silently as the small alt girl unleased her rage and they were amazed at how successfully she was rebelling against Jordan.

Jordan made another note.

"Well what do you think you'll gain?"

Beca's eyes nearly popped out of her head.

"Did you not hear what I said? I—DON"T—KNOW! I'm not gaining anything by being here. This place is in no way benefiting me. It's because of this place and likeminded people who think something's wrong with us, that we're here in need of some _cure_. It was close minded people that forced my girlfriend to look me in the eye and say she didn't love me…that it was all a lie." She closed her eyes and clenched her fists trying to suppress some of the rage building up in her body as well as the immense sadness threatening to fall from her eyes. She opened her eyes and found Aubrey staring back at her, her eyes filled with something. Concern? Beca wasn't sure and she really didn't care.

Beca stood up in need of an escape. She felt like she couldn't breathe; like the room was closing in on her.

"Miss Mitchell, you aren't permitted to leave until instructed to do so." Jordan declared. Beca kicked her chair, the force propelling it to the back wall with a loud slam.

"_This_ is bullshit! You'd think in 1989 this should be illegal. You want to cure of us who we are." And with that she stormed out the room, walking as quickly as her feet would carry her back to her room.

When she arrived back in her room, she quickly threw her jacket into her closet and kicked off her shoes. She never expected to lose her cool in front of a group of strangers but it was something about what Jordan was saying that was really got to her. She lay down on her bed. She reached over and hit play on her radio, Janis Joplin's "Get it While You Can" filling the room. Beca clutched the pillow to her head trying to muffle the sound of her whimpers as thoughts of that night came flooding back to her.

_It had been three days since they were discovered by Chloe's mother and Beca hadn't heard from her in the interim. The redhead's mother had kept her out of school while they dealt with the "situation," as she called it. Then out of nowhere, Beca got a call. Chloe was inviting her over, instructing her to sneak in through the back door. Beca quickly got dressed and made her way across the street to the only blue house on the block. She slipped up the back stairs to the third floor where her girlfriend's bedroom was. She was quite surprised that no one was home. When she got to Chloe's door, she stood for a few seconds, not sure if she should knock or just walk in. when she raised her hand to knock, she heard the soft melody of her girlfriend's voice instructing her to come in. _

_Beca reached down and slowly turned the door knob. When she pushed open the door she found Chloe in a dimly lit room sitting on the bed, her legs cross under her. She looked up at Beca and immediately, Beca could see the evidence of her sorrow. At the sight of her girlfriend, Chloe began to sob again and she dropped her head again. She walked over to where Chloe sat and saw the redhead was surrounded with pictures of them over the years._

_She took a seat next Chloe and reached out to her._

"_Chlo?"_

_Chloe didn't look up at her, but instead reaching out to pick up a picture. Beca recognized it immediately; it was a picture of the two at the annual fair held in town. They were on the Ferris wheel and Chloe insisted that the first picture she took on her new camera be of the two of them sharing a kiss at the top of the ride. The memory brought a smile to Beca's face. _

"_I remember that day." She whispered. "We had so much cotton candy; you didn't eat it for months after that." She chuckled. _

"_Yeah, that was the first day you said you loved me." Chloe pointed out sadly. They had been dating for a year and a half and Beca had yet to return the words that Chloe had often proclaimed to her. Then, that night, on that Ferris wheel, she said it. She said she loved Chloe. The redhead shook her head and began to cry again sadly y at the memory. _

"_Beca, it isn't fair!" she cried out before dropping her head to her hands as she allowed to her emotions to overtake her once again. Beca sighed sadly and took her girlfriend into her arms, rubbing her back soothingly._

"_It's ok baby. Tell me what isn't fair."_

_At her question, Chloe only cried harder into Beca's shoulder. She wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, bawling the material of her shirt into her fists to draw her closer._

"_It's not fair that this has to end." She sobbed. Beca's breathe hitched for a second and her hand stilled on Chloe's back before it disappeared for a moment, helpless. It soon drifted through red locks touching what would, unbeknownst to her, soon be nothing more than a memory._

"_It doesn't have to Chlo; I'm not going to let them break us up." She whispered, leaning down to place a kiss on Chloe's head._

"_But Beca, they are sending us away. My father said that if we refuse to stop seeing each other, they are going to force us apart." She whispered tearfully._

_Beca tilted her head downward, asking whoever was listening for strength and mercy on Chloe to stop crying because every sob and sniffle was like a dagger piercing her heart, cutting pieces of it away._

"_It'll be ok Chloe. We'll find a way." She spoke softly, her half-hearted promise lifted by the emotion that clogged her throat and ran down her face in silent rivers. Chloe must have felt her hand reach up to wipe away her tears because when she looked up she saw the gleam of tears of Beca's face. She reached up and wiped them away, trying desperately to smile but found her face stuck in a permanent frown. She couldn't fake a smile because in her heart what she was about to do would kill her as much as it would kill Beca._

"_I—I can't do this Beca. I can't be sent away." She said sadly and pulled herself out of Beca's arms. Beca looked at her through wide watery eyes when pulled from her arms and sat next to her. _

"_But why." She croaked, her voice breaking painfully._

_Chloe closed her eyes trying to keep her resolve._

"_Because it has to be this way." Chloe's voice broke knowing the next words she uttered were complete bullshit but she knew she had to end this with Beca for the betterment of them both._

"_It's a sin." She whispered._

_Beca looked over at her incredulously before her body shook with tears._

_Beca buried her face in her hands and filled her palms with the rain of her sorrow. This couldn't be happening to her. The one person she__** needed**__ to be there wasn't walking away—she was being pulled away. It wasn't fair. It wasn't FUCKING FAIR!_

_Chloe cried more, watching her girlfriend—ex girlfriend—slumped next to her weighed down by the weight of the pain she was causing her._

"_God Chloe, I'm sorry for doing this to you. I know I ruined your life and your parents will probably never look at you the same, but I couldn't help how I feel about you. I still can't—even now. You said you're parents are threatening to disown you—send you away—but I still want you to pick me. It is really so bad to just want you to need me like I need you?" she cried, her head falling back to her hands._

_Chloe looked at her startled, her red eyes widening when Beca slid from the bed and fell to her knees as though before an altar. She wrestled with Chloe's hand which wanted to flee her grasp to avoid the spark that always flowed between them whenever they skin touched, but at last Beca held on, their hands united with the salt of spent tears._

"_Please Beca, please. We can't live our life like this anymore, we can't live in sin." She yelled through tears trying to pull her hands from Beca's but Beca squeezed them tighter holding them firmly in place. She brought her bowed head slowly up, her face flooded with tears, the tiny crystal drops leaking freely from her tortured eyes. They held on to her eyes until they became too heavy before dripping down her face and falling from the tip of her nose. Chloe had never seen anything as heartbreaking as the sight of her beautiful raven breaking down in front of her, so vulnerable. She finally managed to pull her hands free and she cupped Beca's face, tipping it up and bringing her own to meet Beca nose to nose—she couldn't go any further than this. _

"_Beca please just remember that I __**do **__love__you."_

"_Chloe…please…don't do this. Please I'll do anything. I'll go away, I'll leave. Just please don't leave me." She begged her words barely discernible, bent and distorted with grief. _

"_We can't" Chloe insisted as she feels Beca shake her head in her hands._

"_No!" Beca yelled through tears. Chloe didn't say anything this time. She just allowed Beca to cry in her arms, the small alt girl crawling forward and wrapping her arms around Chloe's waist, pulling her closer. She rested her head against Chloe's stomach as she cried thinking about how she was losing the one thing on this earth that __**ever **__meant anything to her. They remained like this for close to an hour with Chloe holding Beca as she cried endlessly._

"_Ju-ust let me have you one more time." She mumbled into the fabric of Chloe's shirt. She sat up on her knees, looking Chloe deeply in the eyes she had come to consider home._

"_Chlo…please…one last time. Let me be your sin one last time." The whisper was so breathy Chloe wasn't sure if she heard it or imagined it. Chloe knew she couldn't grant Beca's request because if she did, everything would come crumbling down. She would invite Beca into her bed and never want her to leave._

"_Just…just a kiss." Chloe whimpered, but it was cut short with Beca's wet, salty lips taking her and caressing them so perfectly. It was as though that moment paused, the world stopped to witness the purest love every shared between two beating hearts. How could anyone force something so beautiful apart?_

_Chloe wrapped her hands gently around Beca's neck, burying them in the warmth of the brunette's hair and nudged her closer. She pressed Beca's lips apart and ran her tongue lovingly over the delicate petals before sliding it into the warm heat of her mouth. Their tongues danced the slow rhythm of a heart breaking._

_Beca's fingers found the hem of Chloe's skirt and slid it up her thighs, her hand followed soon after and Chloe wiggled restless, needing so much to feel Beca's hand loving her. Soon enough, Beca's hand entered her underwear and drifted slowly into her awaiting arousal. Every moment had to be savored and both women knew it. Beca stored away in her mind each groan and whimper while Chloe store away the delicate touch of such a hardened woman._

_Chloe pushed against Beca's shoulders needing to break away from the act while she still could. Their lips parted with a mutual smack and they both dragged in much needed air. Chloe squeezed her eyes closed tight, trying to fight off the sensations that bid her to pull Beca back._

"_We can't Beca. It was just—just a kiss!" she panted. "Beca, just a –oh God!" _

_She was interrupted by the hungry kiss of the brunette. This kiss, however, was not on her lips but pressed to the center of her burning desire and she knew any remaining resistance had perished. She tried to utter some sort of plea, but it fell broken on its way to intercession._

"_Please forgive." She whispered as Beca's lips wrapped around the bud of her sexual desire and took her deeper into the blissful wetness. Beca purred with happiness as she tasted the sweet savor she relished against her tongue as Chloe arched into her, reacting with a loud cry of satisfaction._

_Beca pulled away and with a delicate hand, she wiped away the wetness surrounding her mouth._

"_Not yet." She panted, the warmth of her breath against Chloe's sex making her bite her lip and grind her teeth. _

"_We have to make this last."_

_Chloe nodded and pulled Beca on top of her half-naked body. Beca quickly rid the redhead of her shirt followed by her skirt and underwear. Chloe was heavily aroused and Beca's touch drove her to the brink quicker than she wanted. Beca couldn't help but cry the whole time, her tears raining down on Chloe's face. _

_She looked down at Chloe and wiped at the tears on her face._

"_Beca…we shouldn't…" she swallowed hard looking up into the eyes of the girl she had fallen hopelessly in love with._

"_Listen to you heart." Beca trailed her fingers over Chloe's chest. Chloe's face writhed with indecision, and she began to cry fresh tears._

"_I can't listen to my heart because it'll ask you to stay." Chloe chewed her lip harder, making it bleed._

"_Then tell me no." Beca reached over and laced her fingers with Chloe's, bringing the redhead's hand to her lips to place a delicate kiss._

"_I love you __**so **__much Chloe. But if you want to stop this…" she paused to steady her voice, "if you want to stop this then it's done. You mean so much more to me than you'll ever know but I would __**never **__force you to do something. I don't ever want to hurt you…just tell me no."_

_Chloe shook her head ferociously back and forth._

"_No." she answered, her voice ragged and raw. "No, I can't stop now. I won't." _

_Beca smiled before dipping head to kiss the crying woman below her. She worked her hand into Chloe's awaiting arousal and soon the rhythms of their bodies united, struggling to remain in sync against the staggered rhythm of hearts breaking. Nevertheless they moved to the raging passion of their love, their last love, though the embers burned stronger than ever. Bodies slid against bodies, fingers met hair as red and fiery as the love coursing their veins. Their lips crashed against each other's wishing their love making would last for a heavenly eternity. Beca felt Chloe bite into her neck during the power of her thrusts and welcomed the crimson waterfall trickling down her neck. _

_With one cry of Beca's name, Chloe came on Beca's hand. Chloe took very few seconds to come down from her orgasm before she flipped Beca over and reached into the brunette's leather pants, bringing her an intense climax. _

"_It's finished." She whispered, breaking down once again. Her body went limp atop Beca's and Beca immediately reached up and wrapped her arms around Chloe. Both women cried for several hours on and off, enjoying being in the other's arms before it all came to an end. Chloe's parents eventually returned from work and they were forced to part ways. They parted with a long kiss and an even longer hug just savoring the feeling of being in their lover's arms. Beca reluctantly turned to descend the steps from which she entered when Chloe called out to her, telling her to wait before disappearing into her room. She returned a few seconds later with the picture of them on the Ferris wheel._

"_I'll try to hold onto the others but I don't know what my dad will do. Just please keep that picture." She begged, more tears threatening to fall. Beca made her way back up the stairs and kissed Chloe again,_

"_I __**will **__come back for you." She promised and with that she left, the memory of her love encasing her soul. _

Beca jolted awake in a drenching sweat. Her eyes widened in the dark room and she looked over at her radio and saw that she managed to sleep for close to 10 hours. She managed to miss lunch and dinner completely. At the thought, her stomach decided to make itself known.

_Fuck, what am I going to do now? _She asked herself. She turned on her side table lamp and reached to open her drawer where she knew she had stashed a candy bar. However, when she went to open the door, her eye caught sight of something at the far edge of her side table. She extended her arm and grabbed it, realizing it was a sandwich with a note attached.

_Don't make it a habit of skipping out on lunch __**and**__ dinner. I __**won't**__ be this generous next time._

Beca looked over to her sleeping roommate in appreciation before taking a huge bite of the sandwich. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all. If she was truly evil she would have let Beca starve.

She continued to eat her sandwich and write in her songbook until about 2 when she her eyes began to get heavy again. She put away her book and threw away the napkin the sandwich was stored in. she changed out of the clothes she had fallen asleep in and returned to her bed prepared to fall back asleep. She reached out for her lamp but stopped suddenly at the faint sound of whimpering. She shrugged it off and turned off her lamp.

She closed her eyes and got comfortable in this terribly uncomfortable mattress. However before she could completely fall asleep she heard it again except this time it sounded like a cry and a…a sob? She looked over and could see in the room lit only by the moon that her roommate was crying in her sleep. Beca thought about getting up to wake the blonde but decided against it. They weren't that close anyway. So what if she brought her a sandwich back from the dining hall. That didn't make them friends. Besides, Beca didn't have friends and she wasn't nice to anyway except Chloe. Ok and maybe that girl Cynthia Rose… and Benji—and she probably could see herself being friends with those girls Jane and Paulie. Either way, none of those people were Aubrey Posen. She didn't like Aubrey Posen and she doubted she ever would.

* * *

_**Yes, I did incorporate Jane from Rizzoli and Isles and Paulie from Lost and Delirious. I needed more people for the camp and I didn't really feel like using any OC's, that and I am head over heels in love with Piper Perabo and Angie Harmon.**_

_** I got a few responses on letting this be Mitchsen but I'm really not sure yet. So with that I'm writing it so that it could really go either way. **_


	3. Rebury Those Skeletons

**_For the sake of this story, Barden University is in California. I'm so excited that everyone is enjoying this story and I'm highly motivated so I'm going to see how many chapters I can crank out before I lose the motivation. _**

* * *

Chapter 3

"So last time didn't go as well as I would have hoped." Jordan pointed out, looking over to where Beca sat. After storming out of Sunday's therapy session, Beca had been reprimanded harshly by Westmore and although she wasn't at all intimidated by the older woman, she still had no choice but to come to the therapy session since Aubrey had been appointed to make sure that Beca arrived on time to every session.

"How has everyone been since we've last met?" she questioned and turned to her left,

"Paulie?"

"Shit, I'm an open book. What has changed since two days ago?" she said out loud, placing a finger on her chin as she pretended to think of an answer.

"Oh, I started growing another weed plant since you guys took my last one."

"Dude, you have pot?" Beca asked, cheering up immediately.

Paulie smiled at her,

"Sure do." She said. "And they won't find it this time since I planted in the last place they'd ever check." She said with a wink. Jane's hand was covering her mouth as she tried to stifle a laugh.

"Jane? What have you done since the last time we met?"

Jane, who was still laughing, cleared her throat in an attempt to compose herself.

"Um…I went down to the basketball court and played basketball with the other guys. Westmore didn't like that so much though. She made me leave when she saw that I was actually playing better than most of the guys."

"That sucks. Don't you have to stay in shape for the season?" Paulie asked.

"Yeah I do, especially since I'm playing college ball this year." Beca looked up and over at Jane from where she was playing with the bracelet Chloe had given her.

"Oh really? At what school?"

"Barden University in California."

"That's awesome man. I heard their program is one of the greatest in the nation. You must be like Michael Jordan or something."

Jane blushed at the compliment, "Nah, I'm no Jordan but I guess I do alright."

Jordan smiled at Jane before turning to her left and asking Aubrey what she's done since the last meeting.

"I-I haven't done anything besides read my bible." She murmured, playing with one of the several rubber bands on her arms.

Jordan placed a comforting hand on Aubrey's arm.

"It's ok Aubrey. I know that I may appear as just another counselor but I'm not here to hurt you, only help. Are you still keeping your journal?"

Aubrey didn't look up, "Rule number 17: maintaining any personal journals is strictly forbidden and will result in a level 2 consequence."

Everyone watched Aubrey state the rule and Beca couldn't help but feel somewhat bad for her. It was like her life was dictated by rules and regulations. No wonder she was so wound up. Nonetheless, Aubrey's statement intrigued Beca greatly since she was sure that red journal Aubrey was so fond of writing in was a journal.

"Ok. Well how have you been coping since you finally admitted Amanda's death wasn't your fault?" Jordan asked, somewhat resorting to desperate measures to get Aubrey to talk.

Aubrey looked up through red puffy eyes.

"I—I don't want to talk about it." She quipped before bowing her head once again. Today was a particularly hard day for her and the usual aura of confidence she exuded was absent today. She pulled at the elastic band around her wrist as far back as it would go before releasing it, sighing as it slammed back to her skin, welcoming the pain that ran up her arm, if only for a second. The pain never lasted long enough to replace the sadness, though.

The sight of it caused Beca to flinch. She continued to watch Aubrey as Jordan went around the rest of the circle, noticing how the blonde tried to discreetly wipe at the tears falling from her eyes. She was crying and this much was obvious to anyone that bothered to pay attention to her but Beca couldn't figure out why. It was clear that Jordan asking about this girl Amanda had set Aubrey off but everyone was carrying on like she wasn't nearly breaking down in front of them.

"Dude, are you alright?" she asked, surprising everyone since she had been quiet from the time they arrived.

Aubrey looked up at her through red eyes, wiping at them to hide her anguish.

"Yes, I am. I am just tired is all." She responded. Beca raised an eyebrow, not believing the blonde.

Jordan turned her attention back to Aubrey.

"Are you still having nightmares?" she asked. Beca turned her head to look at the therapist. Aubrey was having nightmares? That might explain the crying in her sleep from the night before.

"Y-yes." She sobbed, nearly choking on her tears in an attempt not to cry in front of this group of people since she knew that it would soon become the hot topic of everyone at the camp. The sight of this only enraged Beca. No she didn't care for the blonde, she could even go as far to say she slightly hated her, but she didn't deserve to be ignored like this when she was in evident pain. Beca knew too much how bad that felt to feel that no one cared about the tears you shed.

"Do you think that—"Jordan began only to be interrupted by an angry Beca.

"How about you ask her if she's alright?" she yelled. Everyone turned to look at Beca, most of their eyebrows raised in confusion, wondering why she even bothered to care about her roommate.

"Beca, it isn't an appropriate time to address Aubrey's problems. We can talk about them in her private session."

Beca rolled her eyes and pointed at Aubrey who was still trying to stifle sobs.

"Ok, I understand that but it's so fucking obvious that she's not ok and you're just going to ignore her and continue with you questions like she's a fucking bowl of sunshine?"

"Like I said—"

"Yeah, I heard you the first time, 'it's not appropriate.'" She retorted, crossing her hands across her chest. She couldn't believe what was going on. One minute Jordan was pretending to care and the next she's as fucking indifferent as if she were a complete stranger to them.

Beca slouched in her chair, ready to tune out the rest of the session. She sneaked several glances at the blonde who would meet her eye every time before averting her gaze elsewhere.

"So today's session is going to focus on the root causes of you homosexuality. It has been proven that a child's relationship with their parents greatly affect their choices later in life including their choice to identify as gay or lesbian."

Beca snorted loudly at this in contempt.

"Is there something you'd like to add, Beca?" Jordan asked.

"I think this is a crock of bullshit. You think we _chose_ this?" she asked angrily.

She could see several people shaking their heads in agreement.

"You're right, Beca. I would have never chosen this if I had the option." Jane added.

"Do you all feel this way?" Jordan looked around the circle seeing several people shake their head.

"I know I definitely wouldn't have chosen this for my life." Aubrey said quietly. Beca looked up from her sneakers to listen to the blonde who had stopped crying, but the evidence still remained.

"It sucks. Being—being gay has done nothing but made my life _so_ much harder and caused me so much pain."

"Do you wish you could change?" Jordan questioned as she wrote several things on her notepad.

"I want nothing more." She whispered, reaching down to pull her rubber band again.

"Even if it means changing who you are?" Beca asked suddenly. Aubrey looked over at her and they held each other's gaze for several seconds before Jordan interrupted them.

"Well, what if I said the choice to identify as homosexual may not have been a conscious choice but a subconscious choice made as your psyche's way of adapting to past experiences?" when she saw she was receiving many confused faces she continued.

"Let's say you were sexually molested by your male neighbor at a young age. Your mind has now adapted and told itself that men are now a threat forcing you to look to women for companionship…" she explained, glancing over at Beca, who in turned rolled her eyes. She knew nothing about her so that statement wasn't directed towards her. "This catalyst doesn't only have to come in the form of sexual assault; it can be a bad relationship with a parent, or another traumatic experience as a child."

"Cynthia Rose, what is your relationship like with your parents?"

"Um, it's alright I guess. They were pretty cool until they found out about Stacey. Although, I'm still debating if they don't like her because she's a girl or white."

"Who's Stacey?" Paulie asked.

"She's my girlfriend."

"Is? You guys are still together?"

"Yup. She's away at school now. She had to start early as a stipulation for her scholarship and after I finish here I'm heading out west to start school with her." Cynthia Rose explained. Beca had to stop herself from rolling her eyes in jealousy. She found herself envying what Jane and Cynthia Rose had. Their girlfriends were willing to fight for them. Why couldn't Chloe do that? Why did she give up so easily? Why couldn't she fight for Beca the way Beca had fought for her?

Beca?" Jordan called for the second time. Beca looked over to the therapist through slanted eyes.

"What?" she said.

"How's your relationship with your parents?"

Beca rolled her eyes. There was no way she was going to tell this woman the smallest thing about her life back at home. So what if she had a bad relationship with both of her parents and so what she may or may not have experienced a traumatic situation when she was younger, that has nothing to do with what she felt for Chloe. What they felt was real and nothing would change the sanctity of their relationship.

"What does it matter?"

"Beca, you have to participate if you want to get better."

"Too bad I'm not sick." She retorted.

Jordan ignored her response and continued with her questions.

"Your mother remarried when you were seven and you never knew your father. How did that feel growing up?"

"It was fine." She mumbled but Jordan wasn't satisfied with her answer.

"It couldn't have been that great since you were expelled from three schools between second and twelfth grade. You've been in the hospital for 13 broken bones including you tailbone and your arm 4 times."

Beca looked at the therapist through enraged red eyes. How dare she expose her personal business like that? She stood up and walked to the door.

"Fuck off. I'm not going to let you analyze me like I'm some mental patient." She said, slamming the door behind her not caring about the consequence of walking out of yet another session. She walked back to her room, wishing she could find a way out of this hell hole. She'd give it another week before she called Unicycle and he came down there to get her. One week. Just one week and she was out of here.

She flopped down on her bed not bothering to even kick off her shoes or take off her jacket. She laid there, one hand under her head and the other draped over her stomach, thinking about nothing in particular and humming to herself. Naturally her thoughts went back to that sorry excuse for a therapy session and she couldn't help remember how helpless Aubrey looked sitting in that chair hurting herself with that rubber band in plain sight. Soon enough her humming began to transform into words, taking audial form of the pictures in her head. She found herself singing words to herself and they began to form lyrics to a song.

_Going nowhere, going nowhere  
Their tears are filling up their glasses  
No expression, no expression  
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow  
No tomorrow, no tomorrow_

Scrambling out of her bed before she lost the words, she quickly grabbed her song book from where she kept it hidden under her bed. She rummaged through her drawer for a pen but couldn't find one. She had seen Aubrey writing in a red journal on several occasions so she knew she must have had one. She got up and walked over to Aubrey's side of the room and looked on her desk for a pen.

"Dammit. I need to get this down before I lose it." She mumbled. Walking the short distance to Aubrey's side table drawer, she pulled open the top drawer in search of something to write with. She'd take a crayon at this point.

Her eyes caught sight of that red journal Aubrey was always writing in. When she picked it up to see if a pen rested in it, a small metal bookmark fell to the ground. Confused, she picked it up and examined it nearly cutting herself in the process.

"Shit." She whispered, her fingering going to her mouth in an attempt to stop the blood. Why in the hell would Aubrey keep something so dangerous in her journal?

Opening the red journal, she went to replace the bookmark when her eyes caught sight of blood spatters on one of the pages. She opened the book further and that's when she realized that Aubrey kept poetry in the book. Beca was quite amused at this realization. She never took Aubrey for the artistic, brooding type.

She allowed herself to skim over several of the pages, reading some of the lines of the poems Aubrey wrote. On some pages there were more blood droplets while others were clean.

_**Under her ebony satin shirt,**_

_**Unbuttoned to expose her smooth stomach,**_

_**My eyes journey slowly down,**_

_**Beneath her black leather pants**_

_**My mind imagines**_

_**Roams her scent with animal instinct.**_

She looked up at the door to make sure Aubrey wasn't there before continuing down the page.

_**Fueled by obsession's taste for more**_

_**I finally get up the courage**_

_**Risk rejection**_

_**Accept the possibility**_

_**Give up the responsibility of being required to be**_

_**sacrifice it all to feel like a woman**_

_**Her woman**_

Beca had to admit, the poetry was actually really good and the more she read the more she could tell how much pain Aubrey was in writing them, especially if the amount of blood on the pages was any representation . Not wanting to get caught going through Aubrey's things lest she face the wrath of the blonde, she replaced the bookmark before putting the journal back. Just as she closed the drawer, the door to the rom opened and an obviously still upset Aubrey looked over to her, her eyes slanting in anger.

"What are you doing by my bed?" she asked.

Beca looked up trying not to look like she was guilty of something.

"I was just looking for a pen." She answered.

Aubrey stormed over to her, reaching into a yellow cup by her lamp that Beca evidently looked over, and handed her a pen.

"Do not go through my things without my permission again." She reprimanded. Beca smirked at her before raising her hands in defeat.

"Dude sorry. It's just a dresser drawer not a safe. But whatever, I won't go through your things again." She responded, flopping onto her bed with the pen now in hand, prepared to write down her song lyrics before she forgot them.

Luckily for her, she hadn't forgotten the words and after a couple of hours in silence she managed to complete an entire song although she hadn't been able to name it. That didn't matter anyway since she didn't like to rush the names. They should come naturally and she would let the title of this song come to her in time.

She glanced over at her roommate who was sitting on her bed reading what appeared to be a bible. Beca adjusted herself on her bed to a more comfortable position and looked over at Aubrey, watching as she mouthed scripture to herself and popped the rubber band on her wrist.

"Why do you do that?" she asked suddenly. Aubrey looked over to her through glassy eyes. She looked down at her rubber band and the large welts it left on her wrist before returning her eyes to Beca.

"Because it is reminder of the pain of having homosexual thoughts." Was all she said before returning to her bible.

Beca turned back to her song book not sure how to respond to what Aubrey had said.

"Well do you mind if I play some music?"

Aubrey looked up again.

"I won't agree to breaking rules."

Beca rolled her eyes before reaching over to hit play on her radio. It was amazing how Janis Joplin was able to make any bad day seem better for her.

She returned to her song book, rereading the lyrics she wrote wishing she had her guitar to hear how they sounded to music. Sighing, she turned the page and began to write out chords for her untitled song.

_Maybe an E minor and then…maybe G? Yeah that'll work_

Beca glanced over at Aubrey again to see if she was still hurting herself with her rubber band and that's when she saw what was happening right next to her. Aubrey was crying. Beca couldn't hear a thing, but she could see the tears that ran out of her big, green eyes and fell down onto her red sweater. She was staring down at her bible but her eyes had that frost, distant look of someone whose mind was far away. Aubrey was crying right in front of Beca, silently, as if she didn't want to disturb her. Beca opened her mouth, plagued with indecision over whether or not to say something, when the door knob turned.

The door to their room opened suddenly and standing there was Cynthia Rose and Benji.

"Hey, wassup?" she said breaking her attention away from Aubrey, who turned on her bed away from the door.

"They're re-aring Metallica's Damage Tour on MTV. I thought you'd might want to see it." Benji explained excitedly. Beca smiled at him before shoving her song book back under her mattress. She turned off her radio and jumped off her bed to join them by the door. Cynthia Rose and Benji walked into the hallway and Beca prepared to follow them out when she looked back at Aubrey, considering inviting her with them since she had such a rough day. Aubrey wiped at her eyes several times and her body shook as sobs consume her. For a moment, Beca thought about staying behind, seeing if Aubrey was alright but she soon decided against it, closing the door behind her.

_What the hell is wrong with you Beca? You don't even like her._

* * *

**_I think I'm going to incorporate Paulie as a main character to fill the role of Fat Amy in this story. Thank you all for the support and reviews are always welcomed and encouraged._**


	4. The Memories that Eat us Alive

Flashbacks are in _italics _and song lyrics and phone conversations are in _**bold italics.**_

* * *

Chapter 4

Beca walked down the hall of the administration building to Jordan's office. Something about this building reminded her of that hospital in that movie, One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. She hated that movie but Unicycle loved it and made her go see it every day it was in the theatre. The halls were dark and mundane and smelled of antiseptic. If she closed her eyes she'd swear she was in a hospital. When she got to room 228 she knocked on the door and waited, suppressing the almost instinctual urge to just barge in.

"Are you looking for Dr. Ramsey?"

Beca turned around to the woman standing behind her.

"Uh—yeah. I have an appointment with her."

The woman looked unimpressed with Beca as she looked her up and down, taking in the camouflage cargo shorts she wore and red tank top that revealed all of the tattoos on her arm.

"Ok. Well Dr. Ramsey is consulting with another doctor at this moment but you can go inside her office and wait." She instructed before walking away. Beca rolled her eyes before turning back to the door to open it. Her office was furnished in typical therapist fashion. Maroon carpet, ebony desks, and book shelves lining the walls.

Walking slowly into the room she walked over to her desk and took a seat. Yeah it was disrespectful but when has she ever been one for showing respect, especially to someone she didn't like. Opening the drawer on her left she went through her files until she came upon a folded piece of paper addressed to Jordan on the outside. Picking it up, she opened, reading the lone sentence resting in the middle of the paper.

"_To those looking for faults,__**even the straightest line **__appears to have a curve."_

_ -K_

Who was 'K'? It probably was her husband or something. Was she even married? She was pretty and nowhere as menacing as her mother so she probably was married. Before she could ponder it further, she heard voices outside the door. She quickly replaced the letter and closed the dresser. She got up and walked the few steps over to a book case and pulled out the first book her hand touched. She opened the book just as the door to Jordan's office opened.

"Beca? I'm glad you came."

Beca scoffed, "Did I have a choice?" She asked, returning the book to its place on the shelf.

Jordan laughed as she took a seat at her desk.

"Well I guess you didn't really. It's still a nice surprise."

Beca stood by the bookshelf and looked at the clock behind Jordan's head. Just one hour. She had to stall for an hour.

"Take a seat, Beca" Jordan said, gesturing to the chair in front of her. Beca sighed before plopping down into the chair. Not only was it early but she barely got the chance to eat anything before she was informed she was having her first personal therapy session. Though, it didn't matter anyway, since she wasn't going to treat this session any different than she did the group sessions. She'd stare at the clock for an hour, ignore every question Jordan asked, and then return to her room to go back to sleep.

Jordan looked over at her through thin silver rimmed glasses and met silent, baleful eyes staring back at her. The silence between the two stretched out for an unbearably long time with neither woman saying anything, just watching the other, waiting for the first move. It was funny how much of herself she saw in the young alt girl. Beca was rebellious like her younger self and not even all of years of schooling helped her determine that Beca was hiding a world of hurt in the same way she had when she was her age. She clearly remembered being on a fast track to self-destruction before her mother re-entered her life after her parents divorced and set her _straight._

"How do you like the camp so far?" She began, wanting to break the tension in the air.

Beca scoffed at her before averting her eyes to the clock on the wall. Jordan followed her gaze and when she realized that Beca intended to run out the clock on her therapy session Jordan furrowed her brow trying to come up with some method to get Beca to at least talk to her.

"Tell me about Chloe." She suggested, trying to suppress the smile at seeing Beca look up at her.

Maybe, just maybe this would be the one thing to get Beca to at least trust her. It was the same way her therapist, Katlyn, got her to trust her all those years ago when she was sent to Westmore.

"What do you want to know? No, better question: why do you want to know?" she said, staring at the blonde accusingly.

Jordan shrugged her shoulders and reached up to pull her glasses off her face.

"I don't know. You talk about her a lot so I assume she's important to you."

Beca furrowed her brow as she ran a hand through her hair.

"She is."

"Tell me about her." Jordan recommended as she took her memo pad and placed it back in her drawer.

Beca sighed and ran her hand through her hair again. Now given the chance to talk about Chloe she was at a loss for words. It kind of like when some asks you your favorite song and your mind goes blank.

"What do you want to know?"

"When did you two decide to take the step from friends to something more?"

Beca sat in silence remembering the day quite clearly. It was the summer before junior year and Beca and Liam were having yet another argument.

"_What in the hell is this shit, Rebecca!" Liam screamed, spit flying and landing just mere inches from Beca's face._

"_I don't see the big deal, it's just a tattoo." She yelled back, looking over to her mother for some sort of support but of course, like usual, it never came._

"_First the piercings and now the tattoos. If you were my kin I swear I'd of already knocked some sense into you." He threatened, clenching his fist at his sides._

"_It's never stopped you before" she challenged, crossing her arms in front her and smirking at him, hoping he'd hit her like he'd done before. This time her mother wouldn't be able to turn away and pretend she didn't know. She wouldn't be able to ignore the bruise when she'd see firsthand the fist that put it there. _

"_Beca, just go to your room and give Liam some time to cool off." Jennifer advised, stepping between her daughter and husband. Beca looked at her mother in disbelief, wondering why she was choosing him over her __**again.**_

_Beca stomped up every step until she made it to her room. When she got there she was fuming and there was no way she would be staying in this house any longer, not while Liam was drunk and she knew first hand that no amount of locks on her door would keep him out when he was in a rage. _

_She walked over to her phone and dialed the number permanently etched on her brain._

"_**Hello." **__Came a groggy voice through the receiver._

"_Chlo?"_

_Beca could hear shuffling on the end, probably Chloe getting out of bed._

"_**Beca?"**_

_Beca got up from her bed and walked over to her closet, pulling her book bag. She walked over to her dresser and began throwing a few things to wear in it._

"_I know it's late, but can I come over?"_

"_**Sure. You know you never have to ask Beca."**_

"_Ok, I'm leaving now."_

"_**Alright. I'll wait by the back door." **_

_Beca wiped at a few unshed tears before replacing her phone on the receiver. She walked to her window and climbed out, the loud sound of her mother and Liam arguing growing fainter the further she ran. _

_Like she had promised, Chloe was waiting at her back door, welcoming Beca with a warm hug._

"_Are you ok?" she whispered into the crook of her neck. Beca inhaled, savoring the smell of her best friend, the smell of safety._

"_I am now."_

"_c'mon. Let's go upstairs." Chloe offered, taking Beca's bag out of her hand and leading her upstairs by the hand. When they arrived to the dimly lit room, Beca took a seat on Chloe's bed, her head falling into her hands._

"_Do you want to talk about it?" Chloe asked, returning to her bed. She kneeled behind Beca and placed her hands gently on her friend's shoulders in an attempt to massage out some of her stress. _

"_He was just being an asshole. The normal." She explained, moaning when Chloe's hands ghosted over a tender spot on her shoulder._

"_Did he get angry when he saw your tattoo?"_

_Beca smirked, bowing her head to give the redhead more access to her neck. _

"_What do you think?"_

_Both girls started laughing at this. _

"_Well still think it was good idea. I love the way it looks on you."_

"_Well your opinion is the only one that matters." She admitted, turning her head to lock eyes with the redhead. _

_After a few minutes in silence, Beca reached up and took a hold of Chloe's hand, stopping her ministrations. Beca got up and made her way over to the side of the bed that had unconsciously been designated as hers. _

"_What are you doing home so early? I thought you went out on that date with that soccer player 'what's his name?'" she probed, slipping out of her jeans and pulling her shirt over her head. _

"_His name was Jason and—and I decided not to go."_

"_Why not? I thought you liked him." She mocked._

"_I thought I did too, but I guess it was really just wanted my parents to leave me alone about not dating anyone." She answered, casting her eyes downwards, trying not to watch her friend undress._

"_It is true though, you haven't dated anyone since like 8__th__ grade. Why is that?"_

"_I don't know. Maybe because I'm waiting for someone to come to their senses." She said, biting her lip nervously. She hated when Beca asked her questions about her love life—or rather, her lack of a love life. She slipped into bed, pulling the cover over her body as she waited for Beca to get into the bed._

"_Someone, huh? Do I know this someone?" she asked, getting in the bed, sliding over to where Chloe lay and the redhead took her into her arms. Beca curled comfortably into Chloe's front. _

"_Yeah, you know her." Chloe said, choosing to play along._

"_Oh, it's a her?" Beca questioned, looking up at Chloe._

"_Yeah it is. Is that a problem?" Chloe worried. They never discussed sexuality before, yet, she always figured it wouldn't be a problem for the DJ._

"_No, why would it be?" Beca answered, returning to her position in Chloe's arms. The redhead smiled, and continued to hold her best friend, running her hands idly through her hair._

"_It wouldn't." Chloe answered, leaning down to kiss Beca's forehead._

"_Would I like her?" _

_At this, Chloe laughed out loud. _

"_I think you'd __**love**__ her. She likes music and plays guitar. She skateboards and has this killer tattoo."_

"_Is that right? Well then I don't like her."_

"_Huh? Why not." Chloe questioned._

"_Because she sounds awesome and—and she's lucky enough that you love her." Beca admitted, tightening her arms around Chloe's waist._

_That grew silent after this._

"_Do you love her?" Beca whispered into the dark room after some time._

_Chloe sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Yeah—I do. I love her so much."_

_After that, there was silence. Beca closed her eyes and smiled contently. Shifting, she draped her arm over Chloe's stomach, pulling her closer._

"_Well just know she loves you, too."_

Jordan smiled at Beca as she wrapped up her story.

"That is a wonderful story." She said softly. Taking out her memo pad, she wrote down a few notes.

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Depends on what the question is."

"You said that being Liam's stepdaughter hasn't stopped him before. Has he ever hit you?"

Beca snorted.

"As if you care."

"I do."

"Yeah, they all said that. The teachers, the doctors the counselors. Then Liam would take them to the side, slip them a couple hundred bucks and poof everyone had amnesia!" she yelled. Sitting back in her chair, she crossed her arms.

"No matter what you may choose to do in your free time, _no one_ has the right to hurt you." Jordan said sternly.

"Oh, forgive me if I'm not quick to take your word when you say you want to _help_ me." Beca mocked, standing up in her seat.

Seeing that Beca was going to storm out of yet another session, she stood up as well and followed Beca's retreating form to the door. Reaching out to grab her patient's hand, she begged her to wait.

"Look Beca, I know that these may not be ideal circumstances, but it's obvious that you are harboring a lot of anger and pain. I just want to help you."

"Hah, that's rich. You want to help me? If you want to help then drive the four hours it took them to bring me here and get Chloe back."

She shouted and walked out the door slamming it behind her.

Balling her fist at her sides she quickly made her way out of the administration building. She didn't care. No, Jordan didn't care. How could she? She was a therapist at an Ex-gay camp after all. What was she expecting anyway? For Beca to just break down and tell her about how horrible her life was? How abusive Liam was to her and her mother? How it was killing her that Chloe walked away from her? She continued on her path back to her room, anger still radiating through her. However, the anger was mostly directed at herself over the fact that she had allowed Jordan's questions to get to her in the way they had.

"What is wrong with me." She hissed and ran a hand down her face to cool off. Opening the door to her room, she stopped steadfast in her tracks at the sight of her roommate. She was close to nude save a pair of underwear, but that was it. Her hair was still wet from the shower and the water dripped down her back slowly. Aubrey had yet to realize that Beca had entered and continued to get dressed, her back facing the door.

Beca raised an eyebrow, watching as Aubrey fastened her bra as she sung lightly to herself. When the blonde reached her hand back to clasp what the brunette assumed was her cross around her neck Beca caught sight of a fresh white bandage spanning the width of Aubrey's wrist; a bandage she knew wasn't there the night before when she laid in bed watching the blonde whimper in her sleep.

Despite still being fully committed to Chloe, even Beca had to admit Aubrey was beautiful and whoever managed to make her fall in love must be one lucky son of bitch.

Aubrey reached over to grab her shirt, turning around to find the cardigan she had left by desk and that's when she spotted Beca.

"Oh My GOD! What are you doing here?" she screamed, quickly pulling her shirt over her body to try and cover her body.

Beca raised her hands in surrender as she was pushed back out the door by her roommate.

"Rule number 12: no one may be been seen in any state of undress by anyone of the same gender!" she recited.

"Dude, why are you freaking out? I'm not going to rape you." She joked.

Aubrey's frown didn't waver as she slammed the door in the brunette's face.

"Well what's her problem?" she grumbled. Sliding down the door, she sat down on the floor, crossing her legs to wait for her roommate to finish getting dressed. With nothing else to occupy her mind, she started thinking about the song she was trying to cover but couldn't figure out the chords to.

_**Billy-Ray was a preacher's son  
And when his daddy would visit he'd come along  
When they gathered around and started talkin'  
That's when Billy would take me walkin'  
Out through the back yard we'd go walkin'  
Then he'd look into my eyes  
Lord knows to my surprise**_

The only one who could ever reach me  
Was the son of a preacher man  
The only boy who could ever teach me  
Was the son of a preacher man  
Yes he was, he was, ooh, yes he was

She had always been a fan of Dusty Springfield. She wasn't as huge a fan of her as of Janis Joplin, but she still appreciated the art Dusty produced.

Aubrey pulled on her shoes, looking at herself in the full length mirror. Sighing, not really happy with the outfit chose but realizing it had to do. She used to be so confident in herself before everything in her life went wrong with Amanda. It stole any shred of confidence she had left after her father was done robbing her of her worth.

She looked over at the clock and saw that it was nearing noon, she concluded that she didn't have time to change her clothes. Shrugging in defeat she walked over to the door to let Beca back in and that's when she heard the soft voice of Dusty Springfield.

_Flashback_

_**The only woman could ever reach me, was the daughter of a preacher man.**_

_Wearing nothing but her signature black silk shirt, her boy shorts, and one of Richard Posen's fedoras, Amanda gently opened the closet door and came out. Leaning on the door, her raven locks tucked into the hat with several tendrils caressing her neck, she kept her eyes hidden under the brim._

_**Yes she was, she was, ooh, yes she was.**_

_Coquettishly, Amanda's fingers plucked the top button of the shirt free from its slits as her shoulder glided down the door. Aubrey watched her, raw lust in her eyes, and her mouth slightly parted. Her fingers clutched the pillow in her lap and she could only stare as her girlfriend's hips twisted seductively to the music._

_**Bein' good isn't always easy  
No matter how hard I try  
When she started sweet-talkin' to me  
She'd come and tell me everything's alright  
She'd kiss and tell me everything is alright  
Can I get away again tonight?**_

_Amanda lazily swung away from the closet door and sauntered up closer to Aubrey, her fingers freeing the remaining buttons. Aubrey reached up a tentative hand, her finger slowly trailing down the valley between Amanda's breasts, continuing until they reached her abdomen and stopping just above the band of her underwear. _

_**How well I remember  
The look that was in her eyes  
Stealin' kisses from me on the sly  
**_

_Amanda leaned down over Aubrey, the blonde's body reclining backwards the closer Amanda got. Aubrey reached up and pulled the fedora off of Amanda's hair, freeing her mane. Shaking her head freely to allow her hair to cascade down, Amanda reached out and placed a possessive hand on her girlfriend's cheek. Amanda gazed deep into the green eyes she'd fallen in love with and finished the verse._

_**Takin' time to make time  
Tellin' me that she's all mine**_

_She sang softly and leaned in to claim the lips of her love._

_Their lips danced the soft melody as Dusty Springfield faded out in the background. _

"_Will you love me forever?" she asked in a gentle and insecure whisper. Aubrey reached her hand up and placed a gentle hand on Amanda's cheek._

"_Forever."_

The loud rapping at the door forced Aubrey from her reverie involuntarily much to her annoyance. It was for the best she supposed. No use in dwelling on the past, especially one as painful as the one where those memories of Amanda rested.

"C'mon Posen. I can't wait out here forever." Beca called through the door. Aubrey took a deep breath and clutched the cross around her neck. She opened the door and Beca stepped through the threshold, eyeing her roommate suspiciously, not failing to observe the red tent to her roommates eyes. Choosing to remain quiet lest face an argument with the blonde, she walked over to her bed and lied down, hoping to get some rest before lunch and their first group activity.

Taking her song book out from its hiding spot under her bed, she wrote down the chords she was able to figure out in the hallway. This managed to entertain for a few minutes and then she realized that maybe she should say something to Aubrey about not meaning to walk in while she was changing.

Looking over to where her roommate sat on her bed writing in her journal, she pulled the pen out of her mouth that she had been previously chewing on.

"Um, Aubrey?"

"Yes, Beca?" she responded tersely.

"I'm sorry that I didn't knock before—"

"Don't apologize Beca, apologies only lay the foundation for future offences. Just _**don't**_make it a habit. I cannot have your incompetence affecting my recovery." She reprimanded. Beca rolled her eyes.

"Ok, but let me ask you a question: If you are such a _star pupil_, then why are you still here?" She inquired, offering a sarcastic smirk along with it.

Aubrey closed her eyes for a split second to calm her stomach and clutched her cross tightly.

"Because I am weak."

Of all of the answers, that _was not_ what Beca was expecting.

"Weak?" she questioned.

"My father says that homosexuals are weak. That Posens are strong. Posens aren't homosexuals."

She recited.

Beca shook her head and sat up on her bed. She crossed her legs under her as she faced her roommate.

"Aubrey, look—I know we aren't close, probably not even considered friends, but what your father said is crap. Embracing who you are, that's strength. Fuck your dad. If that's what he thinks then he's an idiot."

Aubrey didn't say anything. She didn't even look up at Beca. Instead she just reached down and popped the rubber band on her wrist several times.

Realizing that she wasn't going to respond, Beca sighed and turned to lie back down. Lying on her back, she gazed up at the ceiling hoping to get at least an hour of sleep before lunch.

"Amanda said the same thing when I told her that." came a timid response in the silent room.

Beca looked over to Aubrey who shyly met her eye.

"Who's Amanda?"

"Someone that I need to forget." Was her succinct reply along with another pop of her rubber band.

* * *

Beca was roused from her sleep by the feeling of something dripping steadily down her face. Blinking her eyes to adjust to the light, she reached two fingers up to figure what was on her face. Examining her hand she could see blood staining her fingertips. Not this again. She'd suffered from chronic and random nosebleeds since she was little when an argument with Liam had gotten out of hand.

"Shit." She hissed jumping up from the bed. She only had one towel and that was the one she used for washing. Looking over to Aubrey who laid on her bed reading, she asked for a towel, only coming to choke on the blood running down her sinuses and down her throat.

"Aubrey, do you have a towel?" she repeated. Aubrey continued to ignore her and Beca rolled her eyes. She reached down and hooked her fingers under the hem of her shirt, quickly pulling it over her head. She wadded it beneath her nose and held her head back, trying to staunch the flow.

Aubrey peeked up from her book, feeling a little bad that she had ignored Beca. When she looked over and saw Beca standing shirtless, her eyes bulged out of her head.

"Where in the hell is your shirt?" she hollered.

Beca rolled her eyes and removed the shirt from her nose to speak, allowing the blood flow to continue streaming down her chin.

"My nose is fucking bleed in case you haven't realized. Since you were being a bitch and wouldn't give me a towel, I used my shirt before I got blood everywhere." She explained and returned the shirt to her nose. Aubrey swung her legs over the side of her bed and stood, prepared to argue back.

"But—"

Beca held up a hand, effectively cutting her off.

"I know, I know. Rule number 12."

Aubrey crossed her arms and nodded her head.

Beca leaned stepped closer. She removed the shirt once again and whispered,

"Well Ms. Westmore and her rules can kiss my ass." Not giving Aubrey a chance to respond, she turned on her heels to find another shirt in her closet.

Aubrey watched her walk away and that's when she caught sight of the large back tattoo painted on her roommates back. The sight of it managing to leave her breathless since the last time she'd seen a tattoo close to the size of Beca's was on Amanda's back. Opening her mouth to comment, she was stopped by the door to their room flying open without warning.

The counselor for their floor frowned at the sight of Beca without a shirt.

"Miss Mitchell, you know being undressed while you roommate is forbidden as stated by rule number twelve."

Beca sighed exaggeratedly and turned to the counselor.

"Well in case you haven't noticed, I'm bleeding out of my face!" she yelled and turned back to her closet in search of a shirt.

The counselor, seemingly left without a comeback, furrowed her brows in frustration.

"Well, please find a shirt immediately. Everyone is to report to the main hall after lunch for the day's group activity." She informed before slanting her eyes at Beca as she turned to leave the room.

Beca laughed to herself at how ridiculous the people at the camp were as she finally agreed on another shirt to wear. Snatching the garment off its hanger, she walked over to the bed.

Tentatively pulling the shirt from her nose, she grumbled in frustration at the feeling of more blood streaming down her face.

"Dammit, why won't it stop!" she murmured. Aubrey looked over to her in sympathy before reaching into her night stand to pull out her first aid kit.

Beca continued to try and catch the endless blood stream. However, the task was becoming more and more difficult with the shirt now being drenched.

"Dammit." She hissed and threw the shirt on her bed, not caring that blooding was running down her face again. She jumped, startled at the feeling of a hand on her shoulder.

"Sit down Beca." Aubrey instructed. Raising an eyebrow, Beca turned to look at her roommate skeptically.

"Why?"

"Because your nose is bleeding and you're doing a poor job of stopping the blood. Now take a seat." She repeated firmly.

Beca sighed and sat down on the edge of her bed. Aubrey placed the first aid kit down next to the brunette and fished out the Vaseline and a q-tip as well as a wet cloth.

"First off, _never_ lean your head back when your nose bleeds. It's best to let the blood run out your nose rather than down your throat and risk it collecting in your windpipe." Aubrey reached over to grab the waste basket on the side of her bed. Beca looked at her and found Aubrey waiting expectedly. Leaning over the waste basket, both women watched as her blood dripped into the basket. After a few minutes, the drops lessened and soon enough they stopped completely.

Aubrey grabbed the wet cloth and wiped gently at the raw skin under Beca's nose where the brunette had irritated it with her constant rubbing previously. Beca hissed in pain and her hand shot up to stop Aubrey's ministrations.

Aubrey ignored the brunette's protest and continued to wipe away the dried blood surrounding Beca's lips and on her chin.

"Stop, it stings." Beca whined. Aubrey smiled lightly and continued her actions.

"Stop being so childish, Amanda." The moment the words left her mouth Aubrey froze. She couldn't meet Beca's eyes for a several minutes and they spent those passing time in silence. Beca had no idea how to react to being called Amanda and chose to be quiet instead of making a sarcastic remark like she usually did.

"Did you have to stop her nosebleeds often?" Beca asked after sometime in an attempt to snap Aubrey out of her silence.

Aubrey looked up at Beca from where she was kneeling in front of her and nodded her head meekly. She reached over and grabbed a q-tip, coating it in Vaseline.

"Yeah I—I did. She…she was from a broken family and she and her dad didn't always see eye to eye. Sometimes their fights would get out of hand." She explained, reaching up and sticking the q-tip in Beca's nose to coat the nostril lining.

"That sounds familiar." Beca admitted accidently. Both woman were silent, the impact of what they both shared lying between them tensely.

"Well, that should stop your bleeding." Aubrey declared, wanting to extricate herself form the situation as quickly as possible. Beca nodded, subconsciously wishing Aubrey didn't walking away. Discarding of the used materials into the waste basket, Aubrey returned the first aid kit to its place in her nightstand drawer and walked out the room. Beca watched her rigid movements and remained planted in her position on her bed.

Once she heard the door slam, she sighed and reached over to the discarded shirt she had picked out and pulled it over her head. All of sudden she wasn't so hungry anymore.

* * *

"Hey CR." Beca called, walking over to where the other girl sat in the large room.

"Hey Beca. Haven't really seen you since group therapy. Are you alright?"

Beca rubbed at the back of her neck nonchalantly and nodded her head,

"Yeah, I'm good. Um, where's Benji?" she questioned and looked around the room.

"Oh he's in the other building with the guys. They've separated us by gender so that we could do activities that will help our transition into "womanhood" better." CR answered and pointed over to the left.

"You've got to be kidding me?" she said, looking over to the second half of the room which held several tables with sewing machines and fabric on them.

Cynthia Rose chuckled at the astonished look on Beca's face.

"No I'm not. It's quite sad when you think about it."

Beca frowned at her. Just when she thought this place couldn't get any worse, it did. Like really? Did they think that by teaching them how to iron and sew that it wouldn't suddenly make them straight?

"You know a lot about what's going on here. Have you been here before?"

Cynthia Rose looked away sadly shrugging indifferently.

"My parents have yet to realize that they can't pray the gay away."

Beca glanced at her sadly. How terrible it must be to be forced back to this place for third summer in a row.

"Good afternoon Ladies." Mrs. Westmore spoke into the microphone trying to capture the attention of everyone in the room.

Beca sighed and turned in her seat to face the front of the room where the older woman stood.

"Today will be your first group activity. As growing young women who will all day have families of your own, it is crucial that you are able to provide and maintain that family. The group activities scheduled throughout the summer will teach you the various skills every mother and wife should have expertise in. Today's activity will be sewing."

Several groans of dissatisfaction echoed throughout the room including Beca's and Cynthia Rose's.

"I'm so glad you all are as excited as I am." Westmore said. No one was sure if there was sarcasm in her statement because neither her smile nor tone wavered.

"Now, each table is marked with a number, which stands for your group number. So, can everyone go their assigned table?"

Beca got up and waited for Cynthia Rose before walking to the left side of the room to look for the table marked with the number 4. She sat down at the table across from Aubrey who was obviously avoiding looking at her.

Once everyone was seated, a sewing machine in front of them, Mrs. Westmore looked out to them with a tense smile plastered on her face.

She handed the microphone over to a counselor who proceeded to explain to everyone the basics of sewing. It was during this time that Beca not so discreetly placed her head on the table and went to sleep. After close to 90 minutes of a boring lecture about sewing, Beca was nudged by Cynthia Rose to wake up.

"Each of you has been given an article of clothing that must be patched. You will have 1 hour to complete the assignment and who ever does the best job will receive a small award. Are there any questions?"

Jane, who was sitting at the table next to the one Beca sat at, raised her hand earnestly.

"I've got a question. How come the guys get to play basketball and we have to sit in here sewing?"

Mrs. Westmore frowned slightly before her smile returned.

"Because proper young ladies don't play rough sports where they'll sweat and get dirty."

Paulie scoffed loudly, "Well at one point proper young ladies were expected to be seen in only dresses and skirts and yet you're wearing pants Mrs. Westmore. I guess you aren't such a proper young lady, now are you?"

Everyone laughed soundly at this.

Beca looked at the table in front and saw a pair of jeans lying there. It would easy enough to patch a pair of jeans since she had to patch her own pants on several occasions. She reached to the center of the table for some fabric, simultaneously turning on the sewing machine in front of her. It didn't take her long to successfully patch the jeans leaving Aubrey and Cynthia Rose to look at her in astonishment.

"B, how'd you do that so fast? You weren't even paying attention to anything Lacey said when she was teaching."

Beca shrugged,

"My girl—ex girlfriend taught me." She said, hating the way the word ex-girlfriend felt in her mouth. Nonetheless that was what Chloe technically was since she had in fact broken up with the brunette. It didn't matter though, since Beca knew she hadn't done it voluntarily.

Mrs. Westmore, who had been walking around to observe all of the girls, stopped when she saw Beca had completed repairing the pants she'd been assigned. Reaching out to inspect the patchwork more closely, she had to admit upon closer inspection, she was impressed.

"Well I guess you have your uses." She said sardonically. Beca looked up at the older woman and sneered.

"My foot has its uses; too, want to see how far I can shove it up your ass?" she asked in mock anger, loving how red Ms. Westmore became. The laughter of everyone in the room including Aubrey, who Beca saw chuckling out the corner of her eye, only angered Ms. Westmore more. She stormed off leaving Beca satisfied at being able to get under her skin once more.

After this, the room fell silent again save the whir of the sewing machines in the room. With nothing to do and knowing better than to ask Westmore for permission to leave, Beca just sat there and watched the clock.

"Dammit." Aubrey hissed in frustration. She looked down at the sock she had been trying to repair and after her fourth attempt she was near the brink of quitting. Her incompetence and inability to sew a simple sock, she could hear her father mocking her and calling her a failure. She didn't understand why she couldn't do something so simple. She had listened carefully to the instructions and yet she was struggling greatly.

Beca watched Aubrey struggle to sew on the patch for the sock she had and felt bad for the blonde who looked on the brink of a panic attack. Sighing, she got up from her seat and walked around to where Aubrey sat. Reaching over the blonde, she placed a hand on each of Aubrey's and guided her hands.

"You have to hold it like this" she whispered in her ear, not really realizing how close she was to the blonde.

It may not have been a big deal for Beca but to Aubrey who was beginning to feel a faint flutter in her heart at the close proximity of the blonde, felt it was a huge deal. Unable to distance herself from her roommate when she felt this way, like she had done earlier when they were in their room, she did the only thing she knew would immediately extricate her feelings. As the scent of the brunette captivated her, she secretly reached down and pulled the elastic band as far as it would stretch before releasing it, waiting for the pain of it slamming back into her arm.

* * *

**_So it's decided that this story will be mitchsen if I haven't stated that before. That was my initial plan but as I fleshed out this story in my outline and began to develop Beca's relationship with Chloe, a part of me wanted this to be Bechloe. Nevertheless, I am a big mitchsen fan so I'm happy either way. I hope my characterization of Aubrey isn't completely AU but, as the story will show, she has a lot of demons of her own that she has yet to deal with including her previous relationship with Amanda. Finally, thanks to Thirteenth-D and Romeothewriter for the feedback on this story, you guys have no idea how much it is helping me._**


	5. Is This Forever?

_**Chapter 5**_

"Beca, you can't stall this time." Jordan looked up over the glasses perched on her nose to Beca who returned the stare through tired eyes and simply stated,

"I have nothing to say." It wasn't a complete lie; she really didn't have anything to say that _she_ felt was relevant to the conversation. She did enough sharing for the entire week in her therapy session with Jordan the other day.

Jordan sighed in obvious frustration. She really wanted to help Beca but there was no way that she could help her if the brunette wouldn't at least offer any semblance of an attempt. She knew Beca's lack of participation would get back to her mother and at that point, Beca's treatment would be out of her hands.

"Beca, if you don't say something, _anything,_ they'll begin to take action." She made known only to receive the response she was dreading, a shrug in indifference.

"I don't care." Beca said.

Paulie shifted in her seat, folding her legs under herself. "Beca, just say something or else they'll throw you in isolation."

Beca looked around the room and could see the others watching her sympathetically as if they understood her plight.

"Say something simple." It was Jane. Beca didn't have to look up she recognized the hoarse Boston accent. "Like, what's your favorite color?"

Beca couldn't help but laugh at that. Of all the questions she was expecting to be thrown her way that was the last one to ever cross her mind.

"Um, I don't know, black I guess." She answered. Immediately everyone in the room started laughing. Looking at them in confusion and skepticism, she slanted her eyes at them in question.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. It's just, that is _not _surprising at all." Jane responded. She looked over to Paulie,

"Should I diagnose her, or do you have it?"

Paulie, jumped up excitedly, reaching over to snatch Jordan's glasses from her face as well as her notepad. Placing the glasses on the bridge of her nose, she cross her legs and balanced the memo pad on her knee, mirroring the therapist. She cleared her throat and began to talk in an antiquated English accent.

"Miss Mitchell. Whether we're a vibrant Orange, or a peaceful Blue, our color preferences are a key to understanding our personalities. Our favorite color is essential in understanding ourselves, the choices we make and the people we become. What does black reveal about who you really are?" she began, managing to suppress a grin despite the several fits of laughter from everyone else in the room. Beca sat back in her chair, resting her hands on each arm rest. She had to admit she was intrigued and a bit humored by it all. By the way everyone was watching, excitement in their eyes, Beca could tell this was a frequent occurrence by the blonde.

"Beca—I mean Miss Mitchell, you are dignified and impressive without being showy. You want to give the appearance of mystery, but your preference may also indicate a suppression of desires and worldly aims, suggesting hidden depths and inner longings. Lovers of black have a need for power and control in order to protect their own emotional insecurities." She finished looking over to Jordan for confirmation, "Did I get it right?"

Jordan tipped her head, "I have to give it to you Paulie, you actually _do_ listen to me."

Paulie threw the glasses and notepad back in Jordan's lap, "Nah, I just really like the color game." She said, returning to her previous position with her legs folded her legs under herself.

"So, Beca, did Paulie's description of you seem accurate?" Jordan asked as she replaced her glasses on her face.

"I guess, I mean, how can you tell all of that from my favorite color?"

"Well, certain personalities tend to gravitate to certain colors whether in their clothing choices, their outlook on life, even their room schemes. Tell us about your room."

"My room?" Beca scoffed incredulously. The therapy session went from way too invasive questions to these stupid questions. What in the hell was this, a quiz in Cosmo?

"Yeah, your room. Do you have your own room or do you share it with someone? Do you have posters or is it bare—"

"Every time I out up a poster Liam would just rip it down, after a while I got tired of replacing my posters." She admitted, biting at the nail on her thumb.

"Who's Liam?" Paulie asked. Normally Jordan wouldn't allow another patient to comment or partake in her questioning but it had proven that the rebellious blonde was more successful in getting Beca to share than she was.

"He's my stepfather." She answered unwillingly. How in the hell did they manage to get to this point so quickly? However, it wasn't Jordan asking her the questions, it was Paulie. A girl in the same boat as her, and for some reason, her questions didn't feel as violating as Jordan's.

"Where's you dad?" Paulie continued. Beca's head shot up in anger. Paulie put her hands up in surrender,

"Sorry, dude. I didn't mean to pry; I didn't know it was a sensitive subject." She apologized and suddenly Beca felt like crap. She _knew_ Paulie didn't mean anything by her question and plus, how could she know talking about her father was a sensitive subject.

"No, it's not your fault. You didn't know…My—my father was a coward."

"Why do you think he's a coward?" Jordan asked, trying to approach the subject gently in fear of pushing the teenager too far and risking her shutting down completely.

Beca sighed and ran a shaky hand through her hair.

"My—my mother was in her first year of high school when she met him at a party. He—he raped her." She could hear several gasps but she still continued on with the story knowing that this would be the absolute last time she told it.

"She never told anyone and allowed everyone to think that she got pregnant through her own harlotry and carelessness. Being an unwed mother wasn't accepted by her family so they arranged her marriage. Of course the bustard they wed her to hated me, and here I am." She said, dropping back in her chair in defeat. She really hated talking about her father. The only other person that managed to get the story out of her was Chloe and it had taken her 12 years to gain Beca's trust before she divulged the truth.

Jordan cleared her throat, clearly not expecting what Beca just revealed.

"If you don't mind me asking, how did you find out the truth about your conception?"

"That fucker Liam told me…it was the first time I ever saw him hit my mother." She trailed off. Quickly wiping at her eyes before a tear had the chance to fall, she clenched her jaw and like that, the barricade was back up. She slouched in her chair and fixed her eye on the clock. She was DONE sharing and despite what Jordan say, she _was _going to stall for the remainder of the session.

"Beca, do you think your bad relationships with the male figures in your life have led to you seeking relationships with women?" the moment she saw the angered glare that Beca shot her, she instantly regretted asking the question. However, she knew that it was the question that she was expected to ask in light of Beca's recent revelation. Her mother would review the tapes for the session (although Jordan would never let the kids know that their sessions were recorded) and wonder why she didn't seize the opportunity to ask the question.

"What!" Beca yelled through red eyes. "What in the hell do those bastards have to do with me being in love with Chloe?" She shouted. Everyone in the room was silent including Jordan who knew she crossed a line. Benji reached out to grab Beca's hand in comfort but she snatched it away from him.

"Everyone has such a big problem with me loving her but what about when that douche my mom married broke my arm last summer? Or when he beat the shit out of my mother? No one is shipping him off. All I did was _love_ someone who loved me and now I'm being punished."

Benji could see that Beca's anger was at an ultimate max, even for her and he knew he needed to do something to at least alleviate the situation before Beca strangled Jordan.

He took a deep breath for he was going to reveal something he had never told to anyone except Jordan in their private sessions.

"My dad actually liked Tom before he lost his job. I never told him that I was gay but he knew…he had to know…then he started drinking and taking out his problems on me. My mom knew, my teachers knew…they saw the bruises, but they didn't care." He confessed. Beca looked over to the boy on her left, knowing he made his confession in an attempt to take the spotlight off of her…for that she was grateful.

Jordan looked around the room and could see that the session had taken a toll on everyone including herself. So, despite there being 15 minutes left in the session, she released everyone early, commenting on the progress they made. Benji was the first one out the door followed closely behind Beca and CR who tried but failed to keep up with his fast pace as they made their way through the administration building. Slowing her stride, Beca leaned over and whispered to CR, "Who's Tom?"

Cynthia Rose looked ahead to make sure that Benji wasn't within earshot before directing Beca's eyes to the poster on the wall.

"He's their most recent convert and this year's poster boy. He's their success story, and Benji's ex-boyfriend. They entered the program together last summer."

Beca reached out and pointed to the blonde girl in the picture with him.

"Who's that girl with him?"

"That's Jennifer. She was his uni-partner the summer they were here. I heard they just got engaged."

She explained as the two walked away from the poster and out of the building to their dorms.

"What's a 'uni-wife'?"

"Miss Mitchell didn't read the handbook?" CR asked in mock disbelief.

"Fuck no." she laughed.

"Why, that's against rule number 1: all members are to read, memorize, and abide by this handbook lest face the consequences for such misconduct."

Beca laughed and pushed CR playfully. "God, you sound just like Aubrey!"

"I'm just kidding around. Besides, I think Posen's the only one who actually read that damn thing. Well anyway, in week 12 of this program _Unification_ happens. Everyone is given a test to match them with a uni-partner and for the remainder of the program you guys are supposed to be attached at the hip hoping that it will unleash our inner heterosexuality." CR explained, finishing the sentence with a shudder in annoyance.

Beca rolled her eyes, "Does that actually work? Do people actually just "become" straight?"

"I never thought it was possible, but I've seen it happen. Some people just think their life would be better if they play along with society's rules."

"Well fuck society and fuck the rules that say I'm in need of fixing." Beca declared. CR smiled at her friend, nodding her head in agreement.

Beca reached out and opened the door to the dorms, allowing CR to enter first before following behind her. They came to CR's room first and the two parted, making plans to see each other at dinner. Singing lightly to herself, Beca made her way down the west corridor of the first floor where her room was. Knowing that it was highly unlikely that Aubrey would be undressed at this time of the day, Beca opened the door without bothering to knock. However, instead of swinging open like it usually did, it stopped midway, hitting –a person? She prepared to ask Aubrey why she was so close to the door when she recognized the white uniform the person was wearing. Stepping fully into the room she took note of the two orderlies standing by the door as well as Mrs. Westmore standing by Aubrey's desk holding what Beca recognized was Aubrey's red journal. That can't be good. Beca looked over to where Aubrey stood in the corner, her eyes showing obvious signs of that she had been crying.

"What's going on?" Beca questioned. Mrs. Westmore acknowledged her presence for only a mere second before turning back the crying girl behind her.

"This is strictly forbidden." She promulgated. "I'm disappointed in you Aubrey, you were making such progress." She continued. She signaled to the orderlies to escort Aubrey out of the room.

"This will be shown to your father upon his next visit."

At this information, Aubrey began to break down even further and for a second, Beca felt bad…like really bad. Of all of the times she's seen the blonde crying, or wiping at her eyes trying to hide her despair, she doesn't think she's ever seen her look so—broken.

However, despite what sympathy she felt for her roommate, it wasn't like she could do anything. And besides, Aubrey was always getting on her for breaking the rules, so it serves her right. A taste of what she's always dishing out.

Flopping down on her bed, Beca sighed, but before she could reach down and unlace her sneakers, the door opened again. Yet, instead of Mrs. Westmore, who she was expecting, there stood Jane holding a basketball.

"Wanna play?" she asked. Beca shrugged,

"Why not." And she followed her back out the door.

The two made their way out to the basketball court on the far end of the campus and began to shoot around and talk about their lives back home, naturally finding themselves on the topics of their girlfriends.

"So what's she like?" Beca asked jogging to the basket to await Jane's shot.

Immediately Jane's face lit up. "Maura—she's amazing. Like I can't even explain it, sometimes it'll be just me and her laying in my room and I'll think—"

"It's too good to be true?" Beca asked, completing her sentence. She reached up to catch the ball as it ricocheted off the rim before dribbling it back to three point line.

Jane looked at her in surprise, "How'd you know what I was going to say?"

Beca shrugged and shot the ball. "I just know how it feels." She watched as the ball tumbled through the net before putting up her hands to receive the ball that Jane was returning to her.

"Chloe, right?" Jane confirmed. "How come you're here and she's not?"

"Because she couldn't throw away her life by being sent here." She answered bitterly shooting the ball again. Jane returned the ball and Beca shot it again, making it once again.

"Hey, you're pretty good. What's that, three in a row? You play ball before?"

"Nah, never on a team or anything. Back home, my friend Unicycle and I used to hang around the basketball courts and play whenever I needed to get out the house."

Jane nodded her head, satisfied with Beca's answer. Even though the question was simple enough, Jane could see the sadness on Beca's face and she had a strong feeling it had to do with that girl back home that left Beca.

"She really did a number on you, huh?"

Beca looked over to Jane from behind the basketball she held in front of her face.

"I guess you could say that but it's not really her fault. Her parents are really strict and religious." She sighed. All of a sudden she didn't have the energy to shoot the ball and simply passed it to Jane instead. The two traded places on the court and Jane stood at the three point line dribbling the ball for a few seconds, focusing on the ball hitting the ground.

"You know Maura and I had broken up before." She confessed. Beca looked at her in surprise and Jane nodded, "Yeah, it was after her parents found out about us." She shot the ball and watched it swish through the hoop.

"I was so stupid back then. But I honestly believed our relationship couldn't last—we were too different."

"How so?"

"Well she's from Brookline…everyone there probably makes in a week what my dad makes in a year…she's so darn smart and she knows everything about anything—but she'll never admit that, 'Jane, it's impossible for a human to know everything.'" She imitated, causing Beca to laugh soundly.

"She sounds like a great girl." Beca commented, catching the ball as it fell through the net.

"She is and I nearly ruined it by letting what everyone _else _thought get in the way of what we had."

Beca smiled, "well at least you came to your senses. Chloe just loves her parents, and I can't blame her for that. I _know_ she wants to be with me but she can't choose between her parents and me—and honestly, I'm not asking her to."

"What do you mean?"

"Soon enough, she'll be heading off to college in L.A. and I'm moving out there after I leave this hellhole so we can be together then. No parents, no racist cops, no homophobic teachers…nothing, just me and her."

Jane smiled at the other girl sadly. Watching her shoot the ball with that hopeful look in her eye, Jane wanted to desperately hope with her. She really did hope Chloe would take back Beca because she knew if she didn't it would surely kill the brunette.

* * *

"Come in" Beca called out to the person standing on the other side of the door.

Benji slowly opened the door and waved shyly at Beca.

"Hey, Benji, wassup." She sat up on her bed, slipping her song book back in its place under her mattress. After the whole thing with Aubrey getting in trouble, she definitely couldn't risk anyone seeing it.

"Hey Beca...I—I just wanted to come check on you and make sure you were ok after today's session." He explained.

"Well take a seat." She said, sweeping her hand across her bed to beckon him over. Benji smiled at her as he nervously ambled over to her bed.

"Did I interrupt anything?" he asked, pointing to the several cassettes spread out in front of her.

"Nah, I was just sorting through my tapes…you can help if you want." She offered. Benji took a seat and picked up one of the tapes, studying its cover.

"Thanks for doing what you did in group therapy today. I was so close to strangling that woman." Beca said after some time of silence.

Benji chuckled. "I could tell. You were like _sooo_ red…but I understand. I hate talking about Tom just as much."

Beca looked sympathetically at him. "He was your boyfriend, right?"

Benji nodded sadly, not looking up from the tape.

"We were supposed to do this together. Come to the camp just to get my dad off our backs and then we'd leave and find a place of our own…he wasn't supposed to _like_ that girl." He whispered sadly.

"What happened after you left last summer?"

"Nothing at first, then my dad saw Tom with that _girl_ and he sent me right back here. _'If Tom can do it, you definitely can stop being a fag.'"_

Beca reached out and touched Benji's hand lightly, an action very foreign to her, but for some reason comforting him seemed to come naturally. She quickly scanned the several cassettes in her lap and pulled out the one she was looking for.

"Hey, look. We don't have to talk about that loser. Let's—let's just listen to music." She put the tape in her radio and hit play. In an effort to cheer up Benji, she stood up and turned towards him.

"I bet you didn't know I'm like the best air guitarist east of the Mississippi." She proclaimed as the opening riff to Iron Maiden's "The Trooper" began to play. Her fingers blazed up and down the imaginary fret board as she played the opening riff charismatically. Benji looked at her and could barely contain his laughter. However, despite the ridiculousness of it, he actually loved this song and he loved to sing it even more. No one had ever seen him sing aside from Tom, but he guessed that he trusted Beca enough to see this side of him.

_**You'll take my life but I'll take yours too**__**  
**__**You'll fire your musket but I'll run you through**__**  
**__**So when you're waiting for the next attack**__**  
**__**You'd better stand there's no turning back**_

He belted out the words in sync perfectly with Bruce Dickinson. Beca's eye brows shot up in surprise, not expecting such power from someone as meek as Benji. Nevertheless, she still had a song to perform and her solo was coming up. Benji pretended to be holding a microphone in the same manner that Bruce did and began head banging while she cranked out her "solo."

_**And as I lay there gazing at the sky**__**  
**__**My body's numb and my throat is dry**__**  
**__**And as I lay forgotten and alone**__**  
**__**Without a tear I draw my parting groan**_

Beca finished out the song on her "guitar" and the two collapsed on the bed laughing.

"Dude, you're voice. You can _really _sing."

Benji waved her off, he was never one for compliments.

"Nah, it's nothing."

Beca jumped up, "what do you mean nothing. I've _never_ heard anyone sing that song like you just did—well besides Dickinson himself—but you were pretty damn close."

Benji looked away, shaking his head in disagreement once again. Beca eyed him suspiciously before saying, "just wait till I tell Uni back home. He's gonna love you."

Benji opened his mouth to protest when the door to her room opened. Expecting it to be Aubrey, she immediately reached out and turned down her music. Both teens turned to see an orderly standing there looking at them with disdain.

"Beca. Benjamin." She grunted. Benji jumped up from the bed, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"I'll see you later, Beca." He waved before quickly exiting the room without waiting for her response. He didn't feel up to being punished for being in her room.

"What do you want? I went to therapy." Beca complained wanting to know why an orderly was at her door when she'd done nothing wrong. If Aubrey ratted her out about having her song book, she swore she'd—

"You're designated phone time is now." The orderly explained. Beca's eyes went wide. She didn't know she was allowed to call people. Jumping up, she ran past the orderly to the phone she'd seen in the first room of the dorms.

"You have 4 minutes." The orderly called. Beca tuned her out on her pursuit to the phone room.

There were several booths with payphones in them and best of all the desk in the room wasn't currently occupied by an orderly. She'd have the room all to herself. She quickly picked up the receiver and told the operator what number she wanted to dial. The idea that _they_ were listening was a little unsettling but at this moment she didn't care. She _needed_ to make this call.

"_**Hello?"**_

Beca sighed into the phone. It felt like so long since she'd heard her voice and after hearing her she realized how much she really missed it.

"_Chloe?"_ she whispered. She could hear a quick gasp on the other end.

"_**Beca? What—why are you calling? You know they'll find out." **_

"_I just wanted to hear your voice."_ She admitted honestly. She did want to hear Chloe's voice, that and other things. She also wanted to make sure that Chloe was still waiting for her. That she wasn't the only one holding on to this relationship.

"_**How—how are you?"**_

"I'm ok, I guess. The other kids here aren't that bad but everyone else is crazy. There's this girl Paulie, she's so damn funny and she's always breaking all the rules…" she stopped herself, remembering she only had four minutes. She didn't want to spend it talking about this hellhole. "…how's everything back home? "

"_**It's alright I guess. Unicycle came by the other day wanting to know if I had talked to you. He said to let you know that your mom is ok and that he goes by to check on her whenever he can."**_

Beca nodded her head at the good news. She was glad that he kept his promise.

"And you, how are you?" Beca asked, looking at the clock on the wall. She had two minutes left.

"_**I'm ok. The summer has been boring but I'll be leaving in a couple of weeks."**_

"Huh, leaving? To go where?"

"_**I got my letter, Beca. They took me off the waiting list, I'm going to California!" she announced excitedly. Beca pumped her fist in the air in excitement. **_

"Barden accepted you! I'm so happy, baby. I know how much you wanted that scholarship."

"_**Yeah, but I have to leave early and do an internship before they'll give me the money so my parents and I are going to head out there at the end of the month."**_

"That's awesome, baby. You'll be in L.A. and after I get out of here, I'll be heading over there. It'll be like old times again."

Chloe sighed heavily. "_**Don't do that."**_

Beca's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"_Don't do what."_

"_**Don't do that. Don't talk about the future…you know we can't get back together."**_

"_But—but I thought—you said when we got out of Georgia, we could be together. __**You **__said that it was only your parents in the way, that we would get back together after I got out of here." Dammit, she was crying. _Beca looked at the phone in her hand as if she was looking through it at the redhead on the other end. What was her problem?

"_**Beca—we talked about this…we can't do this. It's—it's a sin."**_

"_That's bullshit!" _she screamed. Why was Chloe doing this? Didn't she love her? She said she would wait for her. That she wouldn't give up on them. She did say that, right?

"_**Beca, please don't do this. I thought we knew where we stood on this. It has to be this way."**_

Beca shook her head over and over again, trying to stifle her sobs. She punched the wall in her front of her before angrily speaking into the phone.

"Tell me it was all a lie…tell me you didn't love me."

There was silence. If it weren't for the sound of breathing coming through the phone, Beca would have thought Chloe hung up.

After a long pause, Chloe softly whispered into the phone, "You know I can't say that…Beca I did love you—I still do…but like I said, it has to be this way." And with that she hung up, leaving Beca clutching the phone to her ear begging for her to come back to the phone. She called her name several times into the speaker but no response came. Beca slammed the phone back on the receiver before wiping at her tears. She bawled her hands into fists and made her way back to her room grateful that Aubrey wasn't there. Collapsing on her bed, she clutched the pillow to her face, screaming loudly into it to muffle the sound.

It wasn't fair. She_** believed**_ Chloe when she said that she would wait for. Why couldn't she keep her promise? Why didn't she want her anymore? Why didn't she need Beca in the way Beca needed her? They were supposed to be in love forever, that's what Chloe said.

Since when did forever have constraints?

Forever isn't supposed to end.

Forever isn't supposed to die…

But why does this feel like dying?


	6. Hoping to Forget

Beca opened her eyes from a dreamless slumber. She had fallen asleep the night before into a cationic state. That usually only happened whenever she had a really bad night…last night qualified as that, she figured. Chloe had really ended it—like seriously—and to make it worse, she just hung up on her like she didn't care that she was hurting her. They promised each a long time ago that they were it for each other…where did that change? Beca couldn't help but muse to herself that it was something she did…something that made Chloe fall out of love with her. Blindly reaching to the side of her bed, her hand pulled out her song book. Quickly skimming the pages, she pulled out the picture that lay wedged between the pages and threw the book to the side. It was of the two of them on the Ferris wheel.

God how she wished she could return to that time, when they were _so _in love…when Chloe wanted her.

'_It has to be this way.'_ Those words reverberated in her mind, growing louder in the silent room. Beca scoffed just thinking about what Chloe said. Like—where did she get off telling Beca how her life was going to be? For the first time, Beca was actually angry at the redhead. She didn't have to give up. She could have fought equally as hard for Beca as Beca had fought for her. Maura fought for Jane, and from what she could tell from Jane's stories, she came out to her parents and risked losing her _entire_ inheritance. Cynthia Rose still had Stacie and they built a _future_ together…at one point she and Chloe had a future…and it was fucking perfect.

Sighing, Beca replaced the notebook under her mattress, leaving the picture on her table. For some reason, she wanted to keep it with her…at least this bit of Chloe she could keep close. With a big exhale, Beca climbed out of bed, noticing for the first time that he roommate's bed was empty and unslept in. She had to admit, she was getting worried since she hadn't seen the blonde since yesterday afternoon.

Still groggy, and eyes still sensitive to the sun spilling into the room, Beca made her way to her closet to grab her things to shower.

* * *

Once fully dressed, Beca made her way to the table by her bed and grabbed the picture of Chloe, slipping it into the shirt pocket of her flannel, not caring the slightest if someone found it. She just—she just really needed to have _some_ part of Chloe to still claim as her own.

Taking a deep breath to prepare herself to face the world, she walked out of the door and made her way to the dining hall across the campus.

Like normal, she got her breakfast and made her way over to Benji, CR, Paulie, and Jane. Somewhere along the way they became somewhat friends, people she actually didn't mind being around. Back home she only really hung out with Unicycle and Chloe, and even then she had known Unicycle since she was four years old and Chloe since she was seven years old.

"Wassup." She greeted as she took a seat. Everyone offered some sort of hello and good morning and continued eating their food. They, like Beca, were trying desperately to wake up and everyone held a cup of coffee despite only Jane and Beca being avid coffee drinkers. Beca slowly spread cream cheese on her bagel, nudging Benji with her elbow.

"Do you know where Aubrey is?"

Benji shrugged his shoulders, "She's not in your room?"

Beca shook her head discreetly trying not to rouse the attention of everyone else. However, Paulie who was always alert and aware heard the conversation of the two.

"What do you mean? She wasn't in your room last night?" Paulie asked. Beca sighed at her failed attempt at discretion.

"No, after therapy she got busted by Westmore for having a journal and I haven't seen her since."

"Probably in hydrotherapy." Cynthia Rose offered.

"Nah, I doubt that. They probably threw their princess in isolation." Paulie retorted, throwing a piece of bagel at CR. Cynthia Rose swatted it away before throwing one of the grapes on her plate at her in return.

Beca finished chewing the food in her mouth before asking,

"What's hydrotherapy?"

"The worst shit in the fucking world." Jane mumbled as she took another sip of her coffee.

"Not worse than ECT." Paulie retorted. Jane shrugged her shoulders, nodding in agreement of the blonde's point.

"Hydrotherapy is basically using water for treatment, or in this case as punishment." Benji explained when he saw Beca's question hadn't been answered.

"I told Stacie about it and she said that what they're doing actually isn't hydrotherapy at all. There doing some sort of hybrid version of it. She's a pre-med major and she says there's a list of ways their hydrotherapy is harming us." Cynthia Rose piped in.

"But what is? What do they do to you?" Beca restated.

"They take you to this room in some closed off part of the main hall where they put you in a tub and submerge you in ice water." Paulie explained. "Only Benji over there knows where it is since he managed to escape one time."

"I still don't know how you managed to do that." Jane said.

"But doesn't the water eventually warm up?"

Paulie smirked at her, pointing her butter knife at her. "See that's thing. They don't let it warm up, they just keep adding ice—buckets and buckets of ice." She turned towards Jane who was still sipping her coffee trying to fully awaken.

"Didn't they have you in a tub full of ice one time, no water, just ice?"

Jane nodded, sitting her cup to the side.

"Yup. Up to my chin." She answered, bringing her hand up to her face to demonstrate how deep she was submerged. Even the thought of it brought chills and she began to subconsciously shiver before she caught herself.

"You'd think I'd be used to with all of the ice baths I used to take after practice, but shit—they leave you in there for hours. It's dark—"

"Pitch black." Benji added.

"And silent." Cynthia Rose added.

"Yup and they only turn the lights on to add more ice and to take your temperature and then it's dark again. You start to hallucinate—like serious acid trip. Then finally—finally when you think death is near and you pass out, they take you out… Of all of the punishments even _I'm _afraid of being sent there—when it's just you in that tub and your body's too exhausted to even shiver, time ticks on forever—like you'll die in there." Paulie finished. Beca looked around the table at the group not believing what she was hearing. There was no way anyone could do that to them. It had to be illegal. Even _they_ wouldn't go that far.

"You've got to be kidding me." She said, chuckling in disbelief. Sadly, no one else at the table was laughing.

"I wish I was but I'm not—the people here are crazy and all I can say is just survive the summer—just survive." Paulie said glumly, which surprised Beca because never had she'd seen Paulie so—so helpless.

"So what's planned for today?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood at the table. Unfortunately, it only worsened it as everyone groaned.

"It's hell day." Benji grumbled, not looking up from the oatmeal he'd been stirring with his spoon for the past 15 minutes.

"What is 'hell day?"

* * *

"Miss Mitchell, please take a seat in the chair. I'm Dr. Harrison and I'll be conducting your therapy today." He explained, motioning to the chair in the center of the room.

Beca looked skeptically at the older man standing behind a glass partition separating him from where he stood in a separate room. He wore a lab coat and large thick rimmed glasses trying to give off the appearance of a doctor although she highly doubted his qualifications. Doctors were supposed to be out actually doing something, helping those who were really in need of care, not here doing this crap.

However, Beca did as told, although begrudgingly. The section of the room she was in was empty save for a projector that sat on a table a few feet away from a chair that favored those in the dentist's office. The moment she sat down two orderlies appeared out of nowhere and immediately strapped her into the chair with leather buckles she hadn't seen in her first examination of the chair.

"What the hell!" she screamed pulling against her restraints. "Let me go!"

The "doctor" reached out to press the button on the intercom in front of him, "Miss Mitchell, please calm down. They aren't to hurt you—now please relax."

"Fuck you!" she spat and tried to pull on the restraints again.

"Miss Mitchell, that language will not be tolerated. Now if you don't calm down, you will take away to isolation and the test will be done at a later time. However, the test _will_ be done. Now I suggest you calm down, now!"

Beca sat back in her chair with a huff completely refraining from kicking the orderly in the face when he knelt down to buckle her legs to the chair.

While he did that the second one began attaching electrodes to various parts of her arms as well as one on each of her hands.

Benji had told her what to expect but this was one a completely different level than what she imagined. This was something straight out of _A Clockwork Orange_.

"Today's therapy will be one of four stages. I've been advised that due to this severity of your situation that we begin at stage 3." Dr. Hanson said, making several notes on the clipboard in his hand.

"With the projector, you will be shown a series of images. One of the electrodes is attached to the pulse in your arm and to this heart monitor." He said pointing to the machine as the orderly wheeled it over, quickly attaching the hanging wire from her arm to the machine. Immediately, the steady beat of her pulse filled the room.

"Every time your heart rate accelerates, you will be given a jolt of electricity. Each time, the amount of electricity will be more than the last. So I'd advise you to cooperate and allow the therapy to work. The theory behind this method of therapy is that we're training your body to be physically repelled by certain stimuli." Dr. Hanson stated over the intercom.

Beca scoffed as she watched the orderly apply the last of the electrodes, "just a theory, huh? So this all could be complete bullshit?" she asked looking up from her arms. Dr. Hanson frowned at her before motioning for the orderly to turn on the projector and soon its light illuminated the dark room.

At first the pictures weren't so bad. The first was of Madonna, and since Beca was never a fan of her, her response was a simple eye roll.

"This is a waste of time." She called out. Dr. Hanson ignored her before making a note on his clip board then changing the picture. Next came Melanie Griffith in that uni-tard from _Body Double._ It once again elicited no response from her and once again Dr. Hanson jotted down notes before moving on. The third picture was of Farrah Fawcett in her famous red bathing suit. Beca had always been a fan of Farrah and in the time when she kept posters on her wall, Farrah in that famous red bathing suit took center place above her bed. Chloe used to always joke that she was jealous of Beca's _real _girlfriend.

Before she could even realize what was happening she felt a jolt of pain shoot up her arm. She had to admit, it hurt, but it wasn't completely gut-wrenching. Dr. Hanson's voice echoed throughout the room, "So unfortunate Miss Mitchell. You were off to a great start. But, I guess we needed to establish a baseline at some point."

Beca looked at him through angry eyes before the sound of the projector switching pictures made her look away. Her eyes bulged at the sight of a _very_ naked woman on the screen. Beca didn't recognize her and thought she probably was a playboy centerfold or something. Nevertheless, she found herself aroused and as expected a jolt of electricity raced through her.

"Fu—" she hissed in pain, this time it lasted longer and was more intense.

"Fuck!" she yelled. Dr. Hanson proceeded to show her five more pictures similar to that one of women in varying stages of nudity and sexual positions.

"When is this over?" she asked, wanting to be anywhere strapped to this chair. She could clearly see why everyone had deemed this hell day.

"Miss Mitchell, we are almost done, there's one more picture." And he hit the small controller in his hand to flip to the last picture. Beca rolled her eyes as she turned her head back to the projector, ready for this to be over with.

"What the—how did you get that picture?" she hollered. It was a picture of Chloe. How dare they! They could do whatever they wanted to her, but they _would not_ use Chloe to hurt her. It was a picture she remembered taking of the redhead at the beach, she wore that new bathing suit that Beca thought she looked amazing in.

The faint sound of her heart beat racing filled her ears but she was disconnected from it all as she stared at the picture…remembering the happiness in her girlfriend's—her ex-girlfriend's face. The happiness they shared, the love they shared.

And when that horrifying jolt of electricity traveled through the wires and into her body she still couldn't bring herself to look away. If she stared hard enough, maybe it would be real, maybe Chloe would be right there in front of her still loving her—still wanting her.

But, just like that—the picture was gone and she was left in darkness.

"Ok Miss Mitchell, that's all for today." Dr. Hanson said through the intercom. The two orderlies reappeared and removed the various electrodes from her body and unbuckled her restraints. But through it all, Beca still remained impassive to it all, remembering and wanting desperately to have Chloe again. Dr. Hanson said she could have a few minutes to herself "to think about what she just experienced," and that he would be back in five minutes.

Beca sighed in frustration, her face falling into her hands.

She knew she needed to get over the redhead but it was so _fucking_ hard. What they had wasn't built over night and it wouldn't break overnight either.

She stood up and made her way to the door. When she pulled it open Mrs. Westmore waited for her on the other side with a cocky grin on her face and just like that, Beca's barriers went up, pushing the pain of losing Chloe to the back of her mind.

"Miss Mitchell, how do you feel?"

Beca rolled her eyes and shrugged in defiance, "I gotta piss." Before walking past her making sure to rudely knock into her as she passed.

She exited the main hall and began walking towards her dorm. When she entered the room she noticed that Aubrey still wasn't in her room and by the looks of things, she hadn't been there in Beca's absence. Too exhausted by the earlier events, she didn't want to ponder on it any longer and simply turned to her bed and lied down.

* * *

"So how did it go?" Benji asked, coming over to sit on her bed. Beca shrugged, sitting up to stretch.

"They showed me a picture of Chloe. Like where in the hell do they get off?" she was getting angry all over again.

"Man, that's too bad. They'll do anything to hurt us so although it sucks, I'm not really surprised they showed you a picture of her."

Beca yawned soundly before sitting up fully and crossing her legs under herself.

"What about you? How did it go for you?"

Benji shrugged before lying down on the bed in front of Beca.

"Ok, I guess—it's been worse. I swear what do they think being gay is? It's not like we're a bunch of uncontrollable beasts that can't control our erections."

Beca raised an eyebrow, "Well did you get hard?"

Benji looked at her with a frown before bursting into a wide grin.

"Well yeah, but that's not the point." This cause both teens to laugh. Beca threw a pillow at him commenting that he was ridiculous before reaching over to turn on her radio. Linger by the Raspberries filled the quiet room and Beca shook her head in disappointment. Of all of the songs that could be playing at this time, it had to be this one.

"What's wrong?" Benji questioned, noticing the change in his friend's mood.

"Nothing it's just—this is Chloe's favorite song and whenever we were together it seemed like this was always playing...she called it the 'soundtrack of our love.'" She chuckled bitterly, "stupid, huh?"

Benji shook his head and turned on his side to rest his head in his hand.

"No, it's not stupid. You were in love, there's _nothing_ stupid about that...do you have a picture of her?"

"Yeah, I do actually. It's the only one I have really." She reached in her shirt pocket and pulled out the picture, worn from her handling it night after night trying to remember and forget simultaneously.

Benji took the picture and smiled immediately when he saw it, "she's beautiful—and that hair, wow she is breathtaking." He returned the picture to Beca who stared down at it sadly in her hands.

"I just feel _so_ stupid for trusting her. She said she would never leave me and I believed her. I wholeheartedly believed her and now I'm here—alone."

Benji sat up and took Beca's hand in his, "I know it hurts but you can't beat yourself up for falling in love…you just have to consider yourself lucky enough to have experienced it at all." He reached out and wiped away a tear threatening to fall from Beca's eye and the two sat in silence listening to the radio.

"I love this song." He commented when the next song began to play. Beca recognized the song, despite never really being a fan of it. The song was "How to Disappear Completely" by Streetwalker and in her opinion was _very_ depressing.

"Dude, the song is about offing yourself. It's depressing as hell." She said, reaching down under her mattress to grab her song book to replace the picture.

Benji looked up at her solemnly before uttering, "Well sometimes death is the only solution."

Beca opened her mouth to respond but stopped at the sound of the door opening.

"Paulie, what are—"

The blonde stood at the door frazzled with worry all over her face.

"You guys gotta help me talk to, Jane."

Beca and Benji both stood up at this, immediately concerned.

"What's wrong?"

Paulie shook her head not really understanding herself what happened, "She got back from Dr. Hanson and just climbed into her bed and started crying. I've _never_ seen her like this and honestly, I'm kinda scared."

Benji and Beca followed her out of the room and down the hall to the room she shared with Jane.

Just as Paulie had described it, Jane was in her bed crying into a pillow with her back facing the door.

The three of them stood by the door unsure of what to do when Beca finally decided she would be the one to at least try and help her.

"Jane?" she called out softly as she approached the bed. Jane turned slightly to see who was calling her before responding in surprise,

"Beca?"

"Yeah, it's me…um, do you wanna talk about what happened?" did she sound as awkward as she felt? She was never one for consoling anyone and she wasn't used to being _friendly_ to anyone.

Jane sniffled before turning over to face Beca who sat on the side of her bed. she clutched the pillow to her chest and bit her lip, clearly trying to keep her tears at bay.

"C'mon Jane, we're—we're your friends. Let us help you."

Jane looked at everyone in the room trying to gauge the truth in Beca's statement before sobbing again, "I—I went to Hanson and I didn't get shocked once, even when they showed me nude pictures. It wasn't working and I knew that he was getting angry so he had me thrown in isolation –and while I was in their—someone stood outside the door yelling things…" she trailed off at this and started crying again. Beca looked back at Paulie and Benji in fear, not sure of what to do. The other two just shrugged, equally as lost as she was.

'_Ok, what would Chloe do? What did she do when I was upset and wouldn't talk to her?'_

With a shaky hand, Beca reached out and ran a gentle hand through Jane's raven mane.

"It's ok, just breathe." She whispered. She waited for Jane to follow her instructions, breathing deeply to calm down.

"What things did they say?"

"…that Maura would leave me…that she was too good for me and would eventually realize that I'm just some blue collar kid from south Boston…and you know what they're right. Maura's used to fancy dinners and mansions. I—I can't give her any of those things." Jane sobbed.

Beca shook her head. Benji's statement reigned true. They would do _anything_ to hurt them.

"Look, Jane, they are lying. You _know_ that they're just trying to break you, none of that is true…it's bullshit. How long have you been with Maura?"

"Two years."

"And in that time has she ever said any of those things to you? Has she ever made you think she's ever felt that way?"

Jane made a murmur that sounded almost like a 'no' and Beca smiled a little.

"Exactly. Maura loves you and you love her. That's all the matters. Fuck what Dr. Hanson and Westmore say. There's _nothing_ wrong with the love you two have."

Jane looked up at Beca through red puffy eyes and smiled.

"And you know what, if you could call Maura, I'm pretty sure she would say the same thing."

"Well she could call her." Paulie said. Beca turned back to look at her in confusion.

"How?"

"Jane, didn't Maura give you one of those new portable phone things to bring here with you?"

"Yeah it's in my drawer, but I never use it. Besides, it's too expensive to call Boston from here, anyway."

Beca reached over to the side table and pulled out the portable phone, "Well I think this constitutes as an emergency. What's the number?" she asked, trying to figure out how to turn on the phone.

Jane called out the number reluctantly, not wanting to run up the phone bill since the bill was in Maura's name.

Beca placed the phone to her ear and waiting as it rang.

"_**Hello, Maura Isles speaking."**_

Beca looked at the phone in surprise at the proper dialect coming through the phone. This Maura girl was _way_ smarter than anyone she'd ever encountered.

"Hi—Um, I'm Beca and I'm—I'm a friend of Jane's."

The concern from Maura was immediate. _**"Jane? Is she ok?"**_

"_Yeah, she's ok physically but emotionally—no, she's not. They—they said some pretty shitty things to her about you not wanting her."_

"_**Oh my. She's always been very insecure about our class differences…they must really be trying to break her…"she whispered trailing off to calm her breathing.**_

"_Yeah, they are and we've managed to make her feel a little better but I think it would really help if she heard it from you." _

"_**Ok. I think that's a good idea."**_

Beca handed over the phone to Jane who was still hesitant to take it. Finally she acquiesced and took the phone from Beca, placing it to her ear.

"_Hey." She mumbled her voice still hoarse from crying._

"_**Oh, Jane, baby. How are you? Do you want my parents to come and get you? You know since my mother found out that Angela sent you to that place, she's offered to come and bring you home." **_

"_No, they don't have to do that…I'm ok…I just—I just let what they said get to me. It really psyched me out."_

"_**Jane, you know that I would never think any of those things…what did we promise each other the first night we started to dating?"**_

Jane sighed, "_We promised that we would never let anyone try and diminish our love…that we didn't need any social status or wealth because we were in love and that's all that mattered."_

"_**Exactly. So baby, please don't let them make you break that promise. I love you Jane, never doubt that."**_

"_I love you too."_

"_**Good. So I'll let you get back to your friends…they are really wonderful people Jane for helping you. Thank them for me, ok?"**_

Jane agreed and hung up after exchanging 'I love yous' once again. She turned back toward everyone else where the three sat on Paulie's bed watching her.

"So how did it go?" Paulie asked. Jane sat up, wiping at her eyes.

"It went good. I just—I just really missed her is all." She answered, slipping the phone back into her drawer.

"I guess we should all be getting to dinner huh?" She said, standing up, stretching her long arms above her head, suddenly feeling really silly about crying. Beca looked over at the clock on the wall and saw that it was ten minutes to six.

"Yeah, we should. Would hate to give them a reason to throw us back in isolation." Benji stated.

"Um guys—do you know how long they're going to keep Aubrey?" Beca asked. Everyone looked at her skeptically.

"Why do you care? I thought you didn't even like her?" Paulie questioned as they walked down the hall.

"I—I don't but it's been a while and I'm a little worried."

Paulie and Jane eyed her skeptically, "Well, it's been more than a day so I doubt she's in isolation since having a journal really only constitutes like 12 hours in there. So, with that being said, she's probably in hydrotherapy." Benji reasoned as he held the door open for the girls to pass through.

Beca's eye's bulged, "What do you mean hydrotherapy. It's been more than twenty four hours!"

"Beca, like we said. You're in there until you physically _can't_ be anymore. As long as you're not dying, you stay in the tub."

Beca turned to Benji, "No, we gotta get her out of there. Like her or not, I'm not going to let them do that to her."

Paulie shrugged in indifference. "Well I can't help you. Only Benji actually knows what building it's in."

Benji looked at her and dropped his head dramatically when Beca looked at him expectantly.

"Ok, c'mon." he sighed and turned to walk in the other direction.

"Cover for us, ok?" Beca asked. Paulie and Jane nodded their heads before continuing on their way to the dining hall.

Benji and Beca made their way across campus to the main hall, "If it's in the main hall, how come no one knows where it is?"

"Because it's not in the main hall, it's in a cellar under the main hall." He said, leading Beca around the building to the back. They stopped when they came to a cellar door.

"It's in there. Just go down the stairs and walk to the end of the hallway. It's the only blue door…be careful because their might be other doctors down there."

Beca nodded her head, "Ok, thanks Benji. I owe you one."

Benji smiled at her before walking away, back to the dining hall.

Taking a deep breath, Beca bent down to take hold of one of the cellar door handles. With minimal effort, she was able to open the doors revealing a dark cellar. She carefully descended the concrete steps and looked down the long corridor in front of her.

She didn't want to close the doors and risk being locked in so she left them open, not caring if anyone saw. Besides, it was dark in this basement and the opened doors provided sunlight to illuminate the room. She slowly walked down the hall checking each door to try and spot the blue one. After passing several red doors and one brown door, she came upon the blue door. Checking behind her to make sure no one was there, she reached out and turned the knob, glad that it was unlocked.

The room was just like they had described, dark—pitch black even. Blindly reaching out to the nearest wall, she tried to find a wall switch. At last, her hand came in contact with one and she pushed it up to light the room.

Immediately, her eyes spotted Aubrey lying in the tub. She was naked with her head lying weakly against the back of the tub and her eyes closed. Her skin was a frightening pale and her lips were approaching blue.

"Aubrey." She whispered, rushing over to the tub. She quickly placed two fingers on Aubrey's neck to feel for a pulse.

"Fuck!" she hissed at the feel of the weakened heartbeat. This couldn't be good.

She reached out and lightly slapped Aubrey's face to try and wake her.

"Aubrey, c'mon. Wake up." She murmured.

"Aubrey, please wake up!" she demanded softly, not wanting to draw attention to the room if someone were to overhear.

At last, Aubrey's eyes fluttered open although they weren't focused on one thing in particular.

"Beca—what are you doing here?" she whispered faintly.

"I'm getting you out of here." She answered, reaching over to place one of the blonde's arms around her neck so that she could lift her out of the tub. Reaching into the freezing water, she placed a hand under the blonde's knees and the other around her waist and proceeded to lift her out of the water. Aubrey tried to fight, but her weekend state made her attempts futile.

"No, Beca…I'm not better yet." She cried, trying to wiggle out of Beca's arms. Beca tightened her grasp around Aubrey as she carried her over to a chair in the corner.

"Listen, Aubrey. You could have died in there. I'm _not_ leaving you here." She said sternly as she looked around for the blonde's clothes. Spotting them on the table across the room she quickly grabbed them and rushed back over to Aubrey, whom she noticed wasn't shivering. She remembered Chloe saying something about shivering was the body's way of staying warm. It was after she fell into the lake during winter break. If Aubrey wasn't shivering, something had to be wrong. She quickly helped Aubrey into her clothes before reaching down to pull her own sweatshirt off of her body, leaving her in just a tank top.

"Here, put this on." She instructed, although it was more of a command than a suggestion. "Can you walk?" Beca asked, helping Aubrey to her feet. Aubrey was still too far gone to even respond and allowed Beca to pull her up out of the chair. However, the moment she stood, her knees buckled and she nearly fell, if it weren't for Beca holding her.

Beca, not even thinking twice, lifted Aubrey into her arms in the same way she'd done before and carried her out of the cellar and across campus. Aubrey clung to her like a scared child and lucky for them, no one noticed or spotted the two as they made their way back to their room.

She lightly laid Aubrey down on the bed and helped her out of her clothes, leaving her in just her underwear. She helped her under her blanket before going over to her bed and used her comforter to put over the blonde as well. She stood watching Aubrey come in and out of consciousness several times as she pondered what to do next. She tried desperately to recall what Chloe did that time she fell in the lake.

_She brought me home…then she put me in my bed…oh god…_

Beca began to recall that Chloe had gotten into bed with her in just her underwear saying that it would help with the transfer of body heat. Beca shook her head. There was no way she was getting in that bed with Aubrey, especially not naked. Nope, she wasn't going to do that. The blankets would be fine.

However, despite how much she tried to convince herself she realized that Aubrey was probably suffering from hypothermia and would need more heat than the two blankets would provide.

"You owe me big time for this, Posen." She mumbled before kicking off her shoes and undressing down to her underwear.

She went over to the door and wedged her chair under the knob. The last thing she needed was for an orderly to barge in and get the wrong idea.

She made her way back over to the bed and hesitantly slipped under the two blankets with Aubrey, slowly taking the blonde into her arms.

"Fuck, you're freezing." She murmured but still pulled Aubrey closer. She wasn't sure why she was doing this, she didn't even like the blonde—not even a little bit—but it felt…laying there with her—having her in her arms…it felt right. The two laid in the darkness of the room, Aubrey clinging to Beca's side, long into the night, even after Beca became aware of Aubrey's body temperature increasing steadily.

Aubrey, even in her weakened state could comprehend exactly what it was that Beca was doing for her and it only confused her more, complicating the feelings for the brunette she was trying to ignore. Nevertheless, she couldn't find it in herself to kick the brunette out of her bed and if she closed her eyes it almost felt like Amanda was holding her.

* * *

Beca slipped out of the bed and found her clothes in the dark room.

_What in the hell are you doing Beca?_

She couldn't even reason it to herself what she was doing but when she woke up she had this almost instinctual urge to get Aubrey's journal back for her when she realized that Aubrey hasn't ratted her out for having her song book.

She could have easily told Westmore to get out of trouble, but she didn't. Why she didn't, Beca hadn't been able to come up with a reason so here she was sneaking out of her room and into the main hall where Mrs. Westmore's office was. On her walk down the corridor that lead to her office Beca still couldn't figure out what she was doing. Why was she risking so much for a girl she didn't even like?

_Maybe it's because you actually do like her_

The moment her mind finished formulating the thought, she stopped suddenly, scared by her own thought. No, she didn't like Aubrey, she hadn't moved past Chloe. No, Chloe had her heart…right? No—there was no way she could take her heart back from the redhead…that would be too painful—more painful than the heartbreak Chloe inflicted upon her when she walked away.

Quietly turning the knob to the office door she crept inside and spotted the red journal immediately where it lay perched on Westmore's desk. She quickly snatched it up and all but ran back to the dorm before she could get caught.

She slipped inside her room and quickly replaced the journal back in Aubrey's drawer, careful not to wake her. She got undressed and laid on her bed, not really needing to get her blanket from Aubrey since it was warm outside. She adjusted her pillow and laid down, ready to finally fall asleep.

"_Come back, please!"_

Beca sat up and looked to the source of the noise. It was the first time she'd ever heard Aubrey actually say something. She watched her for a few seconds and noticed that she was sweating, a large contrast from the shivering she was doing when Beca had last left.

"Aubrey, wake up." She whispered, slipping out of her bed to kneel in front of Aubrey's bed. Aubrey didn't stir and continued to toss and turn as well as whimper.

"Aubrey, c'mon. It's just a dream." She cooed lightly. But it was still to no avail and Aubrey remained trapped in her nightmare. Beca climbed into her bed and wrapped her arms around the blonde, pinning her arms to her sides to contain her thrashing. It worked but she's still twitched feverishly and whimpered endlessly.

She ran a soothing hand through blonde tresses to try and at least calm her if she wouldn't rouse from her sleep and at this, her eyes flew open. She looked up and stared at Beca, her mind registering where she was before suddenly bursting into tears. She burrowed her face into Beca's chest, and sobbed hard. Beca tightened her grasp around her and continued to run a soothing hand down the blonde's back.

Aubrey held onto Beca for dear life, wanting to erase the memory of her nightmare from her head. As she laid in Beca's arms she realized she didn't want to close her eyes and pretend it was Amanda…no she wanted to be right where she was, in Beca's arms. It was wrong, she knew. She had just had another nightmare about Amanda, so she knew it was wrong to want to be in Beca's arms but how could something so inherently wrong feel so right?

* * *

_**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The story is starting to pick up and both Beca and Aubrey are beginning to at least acknowledge the feelings they have for each other, even if they are choosing to ignore them. How do you feel about Beca getting Aubrey's book back? What about "Hell Day?" Review and let me know.**_


	7. With Friends Like These

**_So I'm doing a character change. I know I said Jordan would be played by Helen Hunt, but I've decided to make her younger. So if you want a visualization of her, it's Allison McAtee. The reason for this change in age is because I've decided that I want to delve deeper into Jordan's history as well and to do that I changed my entire characterization of her._**

* * *

Jordan sat reviewing her notes from her previous session with Aubrey. The teenager was due in her office any minute and she wanted to catch up on what they'd discussed last session. She always viewed Aubrey as a special case because she'd learned a long while ago how fragile the girl was despite her desire to hide that fact about herself.

A light rapping at the door made her look up.

"Jordan, you have a call on line one." The secretary, Mrs. Jones said, and peeked her head into the door. Jordan thanked her, trying to figure out who could be calling her since she wasn't expecting any calls. Honestly, she didn't have any friends and she wasn't married, so with that being said, no one she knew could be calling her.

Putting the phone to her ear, she hit the button on the control pad to take the phone off hold.

"Jordan Ramsey speaking."

**_"Jordan?"_**

That voice…it definitely wasn't that of a stranger. Her eyes shot up to make sure Mrs. Jones wasn't still standing in her door before, standing up to go and close her door. Mrs. Jones was a nice woman, but she was very judgmental of anything that wasn't holy, which left her in judgment of… everything. She slowly made her way to the desk and immediately closed her eyes as she took a deep inhale before exhaling the air.

"**_Jordan? Are you still there?" _**came through the receiver and caught her attention, dragging her from her attempts to calm down.

"Katlyn…"

**_"Hey, humming bird." _**Katlyn said affectionately. Jordan shook her head to herself, this couldn't be happening. She told her the last time they spoke that she wanted to cut all ties with her.

"You can't call me here. I'm at work!" she seethed into the phone, trying to keep her voice a little above a whisper lest she arouse the suspicion of Mrs. Jones.

**_"I—I know I shouldn't but you wouldn't answer my calls at home…I really miss you."_**

Jordan went silent after that. It was as if she could taste her response on her tongue and if she didn't have the restraint she'd spent _years_ practicing, she would have uttered that she missed her, too. She praised herself that she managed to stop herself because she really needed to cut all ties with Katlyn. She'd failed in the past, but she was determined to not do it again. She couldn't keep telling the kids in her sessions that it's possible to change if she couldn't even make the change herself.

"I told you last time that I needed to end this…why won't you respect my wishes?"

"**_Because you said the same thing before. Although I have to give it to you, you did stay away for, what was it-Three months? But just like before Jordan, you came back…You always do."_**

"—I—I don't know what you're talking about."

"**_Jordan, please don't insult my intelligence. If you want to forget about the fact that you and I had sex in my apartment last week, that's fine. If you want to end this—whatever the hell it is, fine…but please stop stringing me along. I—I love you Jordan… I never stopped."_**

Jordan sighed audibly, placing a hand on her forehead to try and sooth the impending headache.

"It was a mistake. I—I don't know what you want me to say…"

"**_I want you to tell me the truth. No—tell yourself the truth. We were happy together. For God's sake you applied to Smith because I taught there. Then all of a sudden, you let your mother get in your head and break us apart when I know you love me as much as I love you."_**

"This is the truth—what I…what I thought I felt wasn't real and it was just my way of coping with losing my father. "

Katlyn laughed loudly into the receiver and it made Jordan cringe at the sound of being mocked by the other woman.

**_"You really believe that? That's rich—so you straight now? Because the last time I checked, the things we did that night would say otherwise." _**

Jordan frowned deeply at Katlyn's words. She was making fun of her and she hated that. She could tell Katlyn was being mean as a coping mechanism but the Katlyn she knew wouldn't purposely say things like that to hurt her. Why couldn't she be mature about this whole thing?

"Yes I am Katlyn. I was always a heterosexual. I just allowed the tempestuous lifestyle of homosexuality to lead me astray but… but it won't happen again."

"**_…What was it you always told me in you private therapy sessions with me? 'To those looking for faults, even the straightest line appears to be curved.' " _**

As Jordan listened to Katlyn speak, she couldn't help but reach into her drawer and pull out the piece of paper with the quote on it. It had initially been sent by her as a part of an entire letter, which she threw away, but she couldn't find it in herself to throw away that part. Smiling sadly down at the small piece of paper she recollected telling Katlyn that no matter what her mother did to her, she was always going to be who she was.

"**_What happened to that girl? The girl who didn't care what anyone thought... The girl who loved me?"_**

The question settled between them and Jordan sat in silence trying to come up with a response.

"She grew up, Katlyn. I'm not an angry nineteen year old girl anymore. That _girl_ realized that she was destroying her life."

Katlyn scoffed in anger although Jordan knew it was just an attempt to hide the sob she was trying to hold back, **_"Well, if you truly believe that then I feel sorry for you. You let your mother control every aspect of your life since she returned when you were 18…I'm sorry that you let her change you and—and most of all I'm sorry for those kids who have to listen to that same bullshit I was paid to tell you, that you are force feeding them so that they can get 'better'"_**

Jordan had enough; she slammed the receiver back down on the control pad. Her hands were shaking and she was sweating al of a sudden. She had no idea why or how Katlyn always got to her. She ran a shake hand down her face as she tried to calm down. God that woman was infuriating. And how dare she make fun of her relapse, she—she just really didn't want to be alone that night. It would have been her dad's sixtieth birthday and the emotions just got to her. When she went over to Katlyn house, it wasn't ever her intention to sleep with her but it happened. She can't take it back but she can ensure it will never happen again.

"Jordan?"

She opened her eyes to see Aubrey standing at the door, unsure if she should come inside. She looked over at the clock and saw that it was in fact the time for Aubrey's session to begin.

"Yes, Aubrey, come take a seat." She said and directed the teenager to the seat in front of her desk. She put her memo pad back in front of her and fished around her desk blindly for the pen she'd been writing with before Katlyn called.

Aubrey sat down in the chair, pulling her cardigan tighter around her body.

"So, is there anything you want to begin the session with?"

Aubrey chewed on her lip nervously, "I—I didn't dream about Amanda last night."

_Because I dreamed about the alt girl who held me all night. _

Jordan looked up from her book, "That's great, Aubrey. I know how difficult it's been dealing with her death."

"I—I just…even though I hate having the nightmares, at least I get to see her…I don't have any pictures of her and the only memories I have of her are overshadowed by that day…"she trailed off with a sob caught in her throat. She promised herself that she wouldn't cry today and not even five minutes into the session, she was crying. Instinctively, she reached down and pulled on her rubber band, releasing it quickly. At least the jolt of pain extinguished the sorrow. Nevertheless, her fingers still shook with the desire for a more superior relief.

Jordan reached over to where she kept her box of tissues and offered one to Aubrey, who accepted graciously.

"Let's talk about something else since talking about Amanda is upsetting you…" she looked down in her notepad at last week's notes.

"Last week we ended the session with discussion on your father. Do you want to pick up there?"

Aubrey dabbed at her eyes with the napkin and nodded her head weakly.

"Sure."

"Ok. You said that when he returned home from the war, everything at home changed. What change are you referring to?"

Aubrey chewed on her bottom lip again as her nerves resurfaced.

"I—I don't know. He was _so_ much meaner after he came home. He would constantly berate my mother for everything she did and once she died, I became the target of his ridicule and besmirching."

"Do you think your relationship with your father influenced your relationship with Amanda?"

Aubrey looked up at her with an ambivalent expression. She popped her rubber band again, this time stretching it further.

"No, I don't…I-I always sought his approval—I still do—and I know he wouldn't have approved of her." She admitted sadly, once again pulling at her rubber band.

Jordan watched her fumble with the elastic band around her arm, refraining from asking a question. She put her pen to the side with a sigh and removed her glasses to place them on her desk.

"Aubrey, did you cut yourself today?"

Aubrey instinctively reached for her shirt sleeve, pulling it down past her hands. Her first instinct was to lie but when she looked up at Jordan, she knew she was caught.

"Y-Yes." She whispered, not looking up to make eye contact with the woman in front of her.

Jordan leaned closer, "How many times?"

"Only twice."

"You're improving." Jordan commends, if that were something to praise. She knew it wasn't, but since meeting Aubrey last summer, she knew the girl was on the edge and saying the wrong thing would push her over the edge. Jordan prided herself on the fact that since she started working at the institute the number of suicides at the camp decreased to zero.

"Does your father know about your self-harm?"

"No…my—my father would just consider it another flaw in my character."

"Then why do you do it?"

"because—because I have no control in my life…I couldn't stop Amanda from dying and I can't stop the way I feel, but I _can_ control my pain…It' mine and no one else's." she sobbed. She reached up and wiped at her eye with back of hand. "They can take away my happiness and laughter…they can snatch Amanda out of my life but my pain—it' mine…and no one else's."

"Aubrey, why are you still punishing yourself?"

"Because I should have gone with her." The two grew quiet after that. Aubrey continued to sob, this time allowing her head to fall into her hands as tears pooled in her hands. It hurt so much to think about…_everything…_but if she twisted her wrists just right, she could feel the fresh scars from this morning reopen. It brought her some relief, but it was never like the real thing. Her heart still hurt.

"Aubrey—do you ever think… about going with her?"

Aubrey looked up through red eyes before dropping her head again, "Suicide is a sin." She mumbled.

"Is that the only thing keeping you from killing yourself?"

Aubrey looked up this time, reaching out to grab a tissue in an effort to compose herself,

"Yes…"

* * *

Aubrey made her way back to her dorm after the very draining session she had with Jordan. All of the sessions were draining but this—this was the worst. It was like Jordan knew every sensitive subject for her and chose to expose them all in that one hour.

Don't get her wrong, she really appreciated all that Jordan was doing for her and without her she doubted she would have survived after Amanda's last summer if it weren't for Jordan, but sometimes she left her feeling so vulnerable. If there was one thing Aubrey hated was her own vulnerability.

Aubrey walked over to her bed and took a seat. She had to admit she was fidgeting and wished desperately for her journal. She could put on those pages the things she was too afraid to tell Jordan.

Lucky for her, she did keep paper in her drawer to write to her father.

With that being said, she had an entire stack of unused paper. It didn't come with the privacy of a journal but at least it would serve as the catharsis she sought. She could always burn it afterwards.

With a sigh, she reached over to her side table drawer and pulled it open in search of the paper. However, instead of the paper being the first thing to catch her eye, her eyes landed on a red journal. The same red journal she saw tucked under Mrs. Westmore arm as she exited this exact room the other day.

Reaching into the drawer slowly, Aubrey lightly touched the book, afraid it wasn't real. How could it have gotten there if she didn't put it there? There was no way Westmore gave it back and it wasn't like she had any friends to do something like that. Besides, no one knew Mrs. Westmore confiscated her book except—Beca.

Beca got her book back for her? Why would she do something like that? Aubrey was almost certain that the alt-girl didn't like her. Yeah, she did rescue her from hydrotherapy and yeah she did lie in bed with her for hours until she warmed up. And ok, maybe she did stay in her bed holding her when her nightmares started but that didn't mean that Beca liked her or even considered her a friend.

God, this girl wasn't making it any easier on her. She was trying to recover and so far it has been easy since the only girl she's ever felt this type of attraction to, died, but Beca—she wasn't supposed to be here making her feel like _this._

Lying down on her stomach, she opened the book to the next empty page and began writing.

\***/

Beca stomped away from Jordan's office angrily. It was becoming a common occurrence that she left her office angry and pissed off. It wasn't her fault either since Jordan did a wonderful job of asking the absolute _wrong_ question. She recalled telling her long ago that she didn't want to talk about Liam or her father, but of course Jordan decided to talk about both of them.

When she got to her room she nearly stormed in. However, she stopped herself to calm down because she didn't want Aubrey to see her so agitated in case she wanted to talk about last night. She still didn't like the blonde but after last night, after holding her in her arm as she trembled and cried, she couldn't help but look at her in a different light—one that wasn't so judgmental of the way Aubrey was because it was _obvious_ she wasn't that way by choice. After managing to bring her anger from a level nine to a maybe a five, she opened the door.

Aubrey laid on her bed, writing in her journal and that made Beca a little happy, reassuring her that she'd done the right thing by returning it to her. She walked over to her bed, slanting her eyes in confusion at the white bandage on Aubrey' arm that she was pretty sure wasn't there the night before. She wanted to question it but decided against it and instead opted to ask,

"Do therapy sessions always suck that much?"

Aubrey turned her head slightly at Beca's question. She, at first, wanted to pretend she hadn't heard the question but then she remembered that Beca had risked being punished to retrieve her journal for her. She had to at least offer some semblance of gratitude.

"They're meant to help you—to help find the root of your problem so that you can get better."

Beca flopped down on her bed, "Well I have a secret for you Aubrey, I'm not sick."

Both girls grew quiet after this, the only sound coming from Beca's radio. Aubrey continued to write and Beca threw a mesh ball into the air, catching it as she hummed along with the radio. When the song changed, Beca reached over and turned the volume up slightly. "Come to my Window" by Marissa Ethers filled the quiet room.

**_I would dial the numbers_****_  
Just to listen to your breath  
I would stand inside my hell  
And hold the hand of death  
You don't know how far I'd go  
To ease this precious ache_**

**_You don't know how much I'd give  
Or how much I can take  
Just to reach you  
Just to reach you  
Just to reach you_**

The sound of Beca' voice caught Aubrey's attention almost immediately, although she tried not to show it. The last thing she needed was for the alt-girl to think she cared for her. But, her voice—it was good, very good in fact.

"You have a nice voice." She whispered, not meaning for it to pervade the barrier from her mind to her voice.

Aubrey's hand shot to her mouth in shock. Where did that come from? What is happening to her where she can't even control her thought and words? Her eyes fearfully met Beca's to be met with a cocky smirk. Beca didn't say anything; she just smiled at her, before turning her attention back to the ceiling to continue throwing the ball in the air. __

"Do you know what's scheduled for today?" she asked, sensing the tension and uncomfortableness coming from her roommate.

Aubrey stopped beating herself up over the comment she made to Beca long enough to answer,

"Cooking."

* * *

"Good afternoon, Ladies." Mrs. Westmore announced to the group of girls. Beca rolled her eyes and looked over to where Paulie and Jane stood at the next table. Paulie stuck her tongue out at Beca and Beca flipped her off playfully before being instructed by a counselor to pay attention.

"Today will be working on the fine art of cooking. The reason for this is that immersing you in a traditional female gender role setting stimulates an appreciation of your own femininity. Each of you will work with your roommates today and your task is to follow the recipe given to you to prepare the meal. The winning team's meal will be served at tomorrow's dinner and as a reward, the winning girls will earn an extra piece of desert at tonight's dinner as well."

Beca rolled her eyes at the sound of Westmore instructing them to begin. She picked up the piece of paper with the recipe on it and sighed. They had to make a casserole.

"Sorry, Bree, but I can't cook for shit. Looks like we aren't winning that desert." Beca said dejectedly.

Aubrey tensed immediately, "What did you call me?"

Beca turned towards her roommate, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"What? 'Bree?' I don't know, I just said it without really giving it any thought."

Aubrey looked at Beca in fear, whispering slowly, "Why?"

"It's just a nickname, no ned to get all bent out of shape." She responded, chuckling lightly as she placed all of the things they would need on the table.

Seeing that Aubrey was still frozen where she stood, she sighed and placed the eggs on the counter in front of her before she turned to look at the blonde.

"What's wrong with you? Haven't you had a nickname before?"

"No." she said succinctly. She immediately swallowed the sob forming in her throat, trying to desperately compose herself. "Why would you give me a nickname, it's not like I've been the nicest to you and we _aren't_ friends."

Beca smirked again—that smirk it did something to her—and leaned in, "Well, I have seen you naked."

Aubrey nearly dropped the pan she was holding. She tried desperately to hide the blush she knew was forming but she knew she failed if the smirk that remained on Beca's was any indication.

Wanting to change the subject immediately, she snatched the recipe from Beca's hand. Their task was to make Broccoli Chicken Divan, and after reading over the instructions, Aubrey figured it couldn't be too difficult. After her mother died, she took over the role of cooking in her household. With little room for imperfection in her father's mind, she gained the skill and quickly.

While she boiled the broccoli, she instructed Beca to grate the cheese. It was a simple task, but a task that needed to be complete nonetheless.

"When I was little I always wanted to help my mother with the cooking and I did, but one time I accidently burned the pasta…"

Aubrey looked up when Beca trailed off. The brunette stared off into the distance as if reliving the memory as her hands blindly grated the cheese.

"She had this look—like she was terrified. I didn't see the big deal at the time and she just sent me to my room so that she could try and salvage what was left of it. When Liam came home, he—he hit her because the dinner wasn't ready."

"Oh, Beca, you can't possibly think that's your fault."

Beca looked back at her with a frown, "But it was, wasn't it? I—I burnt the food and yet, she was the one paying for it…I never asked to help again."

Aubrey continued to stare at Beca even after she had turned away from her leaving only her profile for Aubrey to watch. She could tell that Beca was clenching her jaw in anger. She wanted desperately to reach out and touch the hand that was angrily gripping the cheese grater until her knuckles turned whited.

The two continued to cook in silence, a calmness settling between them in contrast to the other groups around them arguing over their assignment.

45 minutes later, Beca looked at Aubrey in surprise as the blonde pulled the casserole out of the oven.

"That—that looks just like the picture." Beca praised. Aubrey shrugged off the compliment, never knowing how to receive them. She had spent years arming herself against insults—but compliments…she couldn't handle them.

"It doesn't matter if it looks nice if it doesn't taste any good." She returned.

Beca waved a hand at her, "Well then let's try it." And before Aubrey could respond, Aubrey reached for a fork to take a piece of the casserole.

She eagerly tasted the casserole and smiled at Aubrey who waited nervously in anticipation for her critique. Why was Beca's opinion of her all of a sudden so damn important? She felt like a little kid.

"This is awesome." She lauded before turning around to scoop out another bite, this time offering it to Aubrey.

"No, I can't." she said, pushing away Beca's hands.

"C'mon, Bree. I insist." She pushed, bringing the fork up to Aubrey's mouth. Aubrey looked at her nervously before acquiescing and parting her lips. She had to admit, it was good but that was what it was supposed to be anyway. There was no accomplishment in doing something right. She learned that lesson along while ago after years of winning and never receiving any semblance of praise from her father.

Beca smiled at her as she finished chewing the food in her mouth and Aubrey found herself smiling back softly.

"Here, you have a little something—"Beca said, boldly reaching out to wipe at the bit of food that Aubrey was unaware rested on the side of her lip.

Both girls stared at each other, the spark of Beca's actions compelling them to keep eye contact. It was an innocent action on Beca's part, but the feel—the softness of Aubrey's lips under her touch—it…aroused her? That was _definitely _not supposed to happen.

She turned away at the sound of Mrs. Westmore announcing that time was up and that the counselors were coming around to collect the dishes. Both girls sighed with relief at the distraction.

Aubrey took this as her opportunity to put distance between herself and stepped away from Beca to watch as the judges conferred with one another over the various dishes.

"Ladies—Ladies, settle down. The counselors have come to a decision." She looked at one of the male counselors who nodded and handed her the score sheet of the winning team.

"… and they have decided that—Rebecca and Aubrey have prepared the best dish."

Beca rolled her eyes, "It's Beca!" She yelled before her eyes widened when she realized why her name was being called. She turned towards Aubrey in shock and whispered, "We won?"

Aubrey returned the look, just as surprised as Beca and nodded her head slowly, "I guess so." She responded at the sounds of everyone in the room clapping in congratulations. Although, she knew they were more for Beca than for her. No one liked her, no one would was happy for her.

"Who knew Beca was a good ole southern Belle under those tattoos." Paulie mocked causing everyone to laugh. Beca looked over at her and flipped her off to which Paulie stuck her tongue out.

Mrs. Westmore congratulated the two, although her disdain for Beca was evident. Beca ignored it and turned towards Aubrey. Both girls smiled at each other, before going to clean up their work stations before dinner.

"You know this win is all yours?" Beca said as they put away the last of the ingredients they used.

Aubrey shook her head in disagreement as the two made their way out of the building and over to the dining hall, "My father always said if you plan to do something, plan to do it right. If you plan to be someone, plan to be the best. And if you don't succeed, pack your bags."

Beca opened her mouth to respond but nothing came out. Was there really anything she could say to make her feel better anyway?

When they arrived at the dining hall, Beca reached out to open the door allowing Aubrey to enter first before she followed.

The two got their food and were told by the cook that their extra dessert for winning would be brought to them in a few.

"Aubrey, I—I saw some of the poetry you wrote in your book." She said, immediately following it up with, "But it was an accident." She didn't want Aubrey to get the wrong idea that she was snooping through her things (although she had).

Aubrey smiled softly at her as they made their way over to a table.

"I—it's just a hobby… a way to relieve some stress, I suppose."

"Well, from the few lines I read, it was really good. Have you ever thought about publishing some of your work?"

"No—it's just silly scribbles in a book. I—" she paused when she noticed that Beca had begun to slow down. She could see that Beca was looking over at the table of people she normally sat with and she tried to force a smile,

"It's ok. I don't mind eating alone." She said trying to hide her disappointment. She should be used to it by now after all. She sat by herself all though high school, this wasn't any different.

Beca looked at Aubrey with clear ambivalence before glancing over at the table she normally sat at. Benji smiled at her and Paulie and Jane raised their eyebrows in question of why she was with Aubrey. She turned back to Aubrey who had already made her way over to an empty table. Figuring that Aubrey probably wouldn't want her to sit next to her anyway, she took a seat next to Paulie and began eating her spaghetti.

"And then Jane is all like, I'm Italian. Like being Italian automatically makes you a great cook." Paulie explained. Beca laughed at the blonde when Jane threw a piece of garlic bread at her. However, she found herself sneaking glances at Aubrey who sat alone

She turned back to see that Aubrey had already made her way to a table and sat there eating alone. She suddenly felt bad that she left her alone. Everyone at the table wouldn't miss her if she sat with Aubrey this one day, besides they all had each other to keep them entertained while Aubrey had no one. While she debated internally with herself she couldn't figure out why they ambivalence was there in the first place. She didn't like the blonde—hell who was she kidding, she did like her. She really liked being around Aubrey, even when the blonde was completely ignoring her, which seemed like always. But earlier that day, when they were in their room in complete silence, the only thing between them was the music coming from her radio; she had never felt closer to the blonde.

Standing, she grabbed her tray.

"Wassup, Beca?" Paulie asked as she watched Beca pick up her tray.

"I'll see you guys later." She answered simply before making her way over to the table occupied by the blonde.

"You think they're together?" Paulie asked the table quietly drawing everyone's attention away from the two at the other table. Jane threw another piece of garlic bread at Paulie,

"Shut up."

\***/

"You didn't have to sit with me. I'm ok by myself." Aubrey said bitterly. The last thing she needed was anyone's pity.

Beca shrugged, "I'm not sitting here out of pity. I—I like talking to you." She stated simply.

Aubrey placed her fork on the side of her plate. She eyed the brunette skeptically, "But why?" she motioned over to the other table, "I'm sure they're more interesting to talk to them I am."

Beca smirked at her, "Well I don't think so. Yeah they're a great group of people but I can't talk about the stuff we talk about with them, like poetry and stuff."

Aubrey sighed in frustration, "Why are you doing this, Beca? Why are you _trying _to be my friend?"

Beca rolled her eyes in annoyance before dropping her fork.

"Because I think you got a bad rap. People treat you like crap without even knowing the slightest thing about you. Like your poetry, it's amazing Aubrey and no matter how much you try to down play it, you're really talented."

Aubrey stared at Beca, taking in everything she said, wanting to desperately believe her. No one had ever said anything like that to her except Amanda.

"I—I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything. Just _let_ me be you're friend." Beca pleaded, staring into green eyes. Aubrey nodded slowly after sometime.

"Ok but—I—I don't know how to be a friend."

Beca shrugged and leaned in closer, "well neither do I, so we can be bad at this together." This elicited a giggle from the blonde, which Beca found to be quite adorable.

"I have an idea, let's play 20 questions." Beca said and picked up her fork to resume eating.

"Why?"

Beca shrugged, "I don't know. Chloe and I did it in second grade and afterwards she said we were friends since we knew everything about each other."

Aubrey looked at her and smiled, she was so adorable. _No, stop it Aubrey. Control yourself! _ She reached down and secretly popped the rubber band around her arm. It slammed into the healing cuts on her arm, doubling the pain she felt.

"So first question. What's your favorite color and why?"

Aubrey bit her lip as she thought about the question. "Yellow. It was my mother's favorite color. You?"

"Black I read in science class that black is devoid of all light. I think it's a great description of my life…Favorite song?"

Aubrey opened her mouth to answer but hesitated. She wasn't sure if she should divulge this bit of information. However, seeing Beca's expectant gaze, spaghetti sauce on her chin she couldn't help but smile at the alt girl and once again she popped her rubber band.

"Son of a Preacher Man by Dusty Springfield."

Beca's eyes widened, "Really? I would have never guessed. You don't strike me as a Dusty Springfield fan."

Aubrey gasped feigning offense from Beca's comment. "Well what type of music do I look like I like?"

"Oh I don't know, Paula Abdul?" then with an accusatory finger point she covered her mouth in fake shock, "No you're probably an Ace of Base fan. Do you see the sign, Bree?" Beca joked, dodging the piece of bread being launched at her.

"Screw you Beca. Ace of Base is a very talent band. Anyway, what's your favorite band, huh? Metal-Ka? Aeroplane?"

Beca's face sobered immediately, "Aeroplane? Metal-Ka? Do you meanMetallica and _Aerosmith? _ God, Aubrey, did you live under a rock?" she asked laughing at the blush creeping up on Aubrey's face.

"Hey, don't laugh at me. My dad doesn't let me listen to any of _those_ bands." She said defensively. Beca stopped laughing, "I'm not laughing at you Aubrey. I think it's cute that you don't know anything about _real _music." She responded. She knew she was baiting the blonde, but it was amusing picking fun at her.

"I do know real music. I'll have you know I own every album of the Doors and the Rolling Stones."

Beca pushed her plate aside, suddenly intrigued by this new bit of information.

"You listen to The Doors?"

"I sure do. Ask me anything and I bet I know the answer." Aubrey stated proudly. They were Amanda's favorite bands and they listened to them all the time when they were together. When—when Amanda passed, all of her things including her record collection Aubrey took since she knew Amanda didn't want her father to have them knowing he would just sell them.

"Ok. What was the inspiration for their name?" Beca asked. It was a simple question that even the occasional listener would be able to answer.

"The book Doors of Perception." Aubrey answered immediately. She met Amanda in the school library when the older girl was searching for that exact book. It was the first thing she said to her, that she was only reading it because of Jim Morrison.

"What was their first single?"

"Light my Fire." Amanda sung that to her on her sixteenth birthday. The first time they kissed.

"What did Jim Morrison do to get banned from the Ed Sullivan show?"

"He refused to change the lyrics of Light my Fire."

Beca sat back in her chair. Ok, here's the serious question. If Aubrey got the answer to this, she would definitely be impressed.

"Their Live in Hollywood was recorded at what venue?"

Aubrey hesitated. She knew the answer. Amanda would always promise her that when her poetry made her famous she would take her to Hollywood and they would visit where she deemed the Doors made history. _'I'm going to marry you right there.'_

"The Aquarius Theater." She whispered.

"Wow…you really are a fan. If I had any sense I'd marry you on that fact alone." Beca said jokingly. Aubrey forced a light chuckle before returning to her food.

"Rebecca, Aubrey. Mrs. Westmore informed me that you two won the coking competition earlier today." The head chef, Mrs. Landry said. Both girls looked up to where the larger woman towered over them. In her hands were 4 pieces of cake, two for each of them. Beca could see the others in the cafeteria watching them, some with smiles and others with frowns of envy.

"Congrats girls." Mrs. Landry said and walked away, leaving them to eat.

"Beca, remember sharing is caring!" Paulie called out across the room. Beca looked at her with a wide grin and animatedly took the first bite of her cake.

"I can't. I'm too selfish for that." She responded only to be interrupted by the sudden presence of someone standing by Aubrey.

She looked up and saw one of the other campers, Jason, standing with a scowl on his face.

"Why do you get extra cake?"

Beca dropped her fork and looked at Aubrey to ask if she knew him. She noticed that the blonde looked a scary shade of green as if she were going to vomit.

"Dude, what's your problem?" she asked.

He looked down at Beca before returning his attention to Aubrey. "This has nothing to do with you." He turned back to Aubrey and placed a hand on her shoulder. Beca could see her flinch under his touch and she stood up, walking around the table to where Jason stood.

"It has everything to do with me, so like I said, what's your problem?" she yelled, pushing his hand away from Aubrey.

"Why does she get an extra slice of cake? It's not like that brown-noser Posen will even keep it down anyway. The bitch vomits like a newborn." he said, laughing in an attempt to get Beca to laugh with him.

"Dude, why do you even care? It has nothing to do with you." she said, clenching her fist at her sides. By now they had caught the attention of everyone in the dining hall including the counselors who were waiting to see where the altercation went.

"Beca, just drop it." Aubrey whispered. The last thing she needed was Mrs. Westmore to arrive and throw them all in isolation. She _could not_ be sent there.

"No, I'm not dropping it." Beca argued angrily before turning back to the guy.

"Why don't you go back to your table before I'm forced to make you leave?"

"Who the hell are you, anyway? Her bodyguard? Are you a narc like her? You kiss Westmore's ass too?" He looked at her in anger.

"Besides, that bitch ratted out Amber last year." He said and pushing her roughly. He turned to Aubrey, "She went to ECT because of you…she never recovered!"

Beca fell backwards, hitting her head on the side of the table. She was a bit disorientated and didn't stand immediately. She wished she had though because while she was down Jason took the cake in front of Aubrey and pushed it into her face before pouring the glass of water on the table on her head. The blonde cried out and slowly wiped the cake from her eyes.

Anger flashed through her body at this and she quickly stood up, launching herself at him, her hand crashing into his nose.

The dining hall erupted at that as the guy fell to the ground clutching his bleeding nose. Beca clutched her hand, a slight stinging that was pacified by a callus built from years of defending herself back home.

Paulie jumped up and ran over to the group instigating the situation causing everyone to start chanting, "Fight! Fight!" Beca held her hand, wiping Jason's blood from her knuckles. She walked over to Aubrey and took off the shirt she was wearing, leaving her in just a tank top. She wiped away some of the frosting from Aubrey's face.

"It's ok Beca. It'll be alight."

One of the counselors walked over to Beca, taking one of her arms.

"Get the fuck off me!" she yelled, shrugging out of the grasp of the counselor trying to pull her from the table.

"Are you ok, Bree?" she repeated, wiping away more of the frosting and the milk still dripping from her hair onto her face.

"It's ok, Beca, really. He was right, I deserved this." She whispered sadly. Beca opened her mouth to protest but she was pulled from the table by two other counselors who had been called to the dining room. She looked over and saw that Jason's nose was being attended to by an orderly.

"What about that fucker? Look what he did to her!" she yelled. The counselor told her to calm down and that he would face a punishment for his actions as well. Beca glanced at Aubrey once again who was using her shirt to wipe at the remaining frosting on her face. She looked so humiliated and yet others were pointing and laughing at her. The scene only angered her more, they were helping that bastard with his nose but yet no one was helping Aubrey. This was complete bullshit and the moment she got out of wherever she was taking them, she was going to do more that break that fucker's nose.

"Can I have your cake then?" Paulie called but Beca didn't turn around as she was escorted out the dining hall.

\***/

The moment the door to the room closed, Beca was encased in darkness save for a small window in the back of the cramped room, but even then, that light would fade soon since evening was fast approaching. It was no bigger than a closet giving her enough room to sit if she sat with her knees to her chest but it was still small and dank. With a loud huff, she took a seat on the floor and brought her knees to her chest.

She yawned and adjusted her legs on the hard floor to try and get more comfortable position. She scooted back to the wall and allowed her head to rest on her knees. It wasn't comfortable but it would have to do for the time being.

Her eyes had adjusted just enough to the pending darkness to be able to see the outline of the door and her legs. Was this worse than not being able to see at all? By being able to see a little it only reminded her that the light was gone. At least if it were pitch-black she could at least pretend her eyes were shut and she was sleeping or dreaming.

"Oh boy." She murmured with a sigh. She lowered her feet and stretched them out in front of her to try and maintain a comfortable position. However, it only lasted a few seconds before she shuffled around again, and rested her head against the back wall, resisting the urge to knock her head against it repeatedly.

It wasn't even about not being able to fit in the room or being comfortable enough to sleep, she was still edgy and frustrated at that Jason kid. Where did he get off saying those things about Aubrey? He was a bully…a bully just like Liam, picking on those who couldn't (wouldn't?) defend themselves.

However, despite having ended up in here, she didn't regret punching him. He deserved it anyway. She could almost guarantee he would think twice about saying something about her ever again. Readjusting once more in the cramped closet, she focused on calming down and trying to control her anger. Breathe in…breath out…maybe if she just…closed her eyes.

_"Mom?" Beca called out meekly from where she sat at the kitchen table. Jennifer looked over at her 8 year old daughter and tried to force a smile for her sake. _

_"It's Ok Beca…just finish your homework." She whispered before her attention was recaptured by Liam who used his hand to take hold of her face, fingers on each cheek holding it in a vice grip._

_"Didn't I warn you last time? I want my dinner waiting for me when I get home!" he screamed. Beca dropped her pencil and stood in shock, watching as her mother coward in fear. Liam reached out and grabbed a handful of the uncooked tomato sauce and smeared it into Jennifer's face. The older woman shrieked and tried to push Liam off her. She ran over to the two and tried to pull him off of her mother but he simply pushed her away causing her to fall backwards. _

_She sat up from where she'd fallen on the floor, frozen. She was forced to watch as Liam raised his hand to quickly strike her mother across her face. She wanted to help her mother, who was trying her hardest not to cry for her sake, but she was only a little girl, she couldn't stop him. Why couldn't she stop him? Get up Beca, move and help her! _

_She continued to watch as Liam beat and degraded her mother, the memories forever burning themselves into her memory._

_Time dragged on and Beca stood frozen waiting for Liam to leave and when he finally did, retiring to the living room. Bumping into Beca as he passed Beca was dragged out of her reverie and immediately dropped to her knees, crawling over to where her mother was bawled up in the corner sobbing silently to herself. Despite the fact that she hid her face in her hands, Beca knew from her mother's body language that she was crying. _

_"Momma, are you ok?"_

_She said, reaching up to the counter to grab the drying towel her mother used for the dishes... She slowly wiped at the tomato sauce on her mother's face and Jennifer allowed her to, in too much pain to do it herself. _

_"It's Ok, Beca, really. Liam was right…I should have finished his dinner on time…I deserved this." She whispered, reaching out to take the towel from her daughter._

_"No you don't! No one deserves this…and when I'm big enough, he won't ever hurt you again…I won't let him."_

"Rebecca, wake up!"

It took a moment for Beca to wake up and register what was happening. She looked up at the window and saw that it was still dark outside although the approaching sunrise brought an orange tint to the sky. Standing up, she stretched her arms, groaning at the pain of being in the awkward position for so long.

"How long was I in here?" she asked the counselor who looked less than pleased to be up at such an early hour to release her.

"12 hours. Next time, it'll be 24." He warned, stepping aside to allow her to exit the room. Beca yawned again and walked past the counselor to make her way back to her room.

When Beca got back to her room, she quickly undressed and made her way to her bed, wanting nothing more than to sleep in an actual bed. She knew she had to be up in less than 5 hours so she wasted no time getting to bed.

Aubrey lay in her bed, awoken by the shuffling on the other side of the room. She turned around quietly and watched as Beca peeled off her clothes, not bothering to but on pajamas as she climbed into her bed in just her underwear.

"Beca?"

Beca turned over and looked at Aubrey, whose face she could barely make out in the dark room.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"No, you didn't. I—I couldn't sleep?"

Beca looked over at her, concern immediately plaguing her.

"Did you have a nightmare?" she asked apprehensively.

"N—no it wasn't a nightmare."

"Was it because of what that loser said?"

"No—I just…why did you punch him?"

Beca sighed and turned to look from where she was staring at the ceiling.

"Because, whether you're my friend or not, no one is going to talk shit about you." She declared firmly.

Aubrey looked at her speechless. After a few minutes of looking at the silhouette of Beca in the dark room, she turned back over to face the wall.

Both girls closed their eyes to go back to sleep and Aubrey took a deep breath before whispering loud enough so that Beca could hear,

"Amanda committed suicide."

* * *

**_Sorry this took so long. It was finished a long time ago but I didn't edit it until tonight so I'm sorry for the long wait. What did you guys think of Jordan? I'm trying to develop the central characters of this story which also includes Jordan who is a unique experience in this dynamic as well. Let me know what you think of this addition and whether it's a good idea. If you think so, I definitely have more plans for her and Katlyn and that subplot. _**

**_Also, I just saw Frozen for the first time. Like really, this movie is awesome. Why have I waited so long to see this wonderful film? Well I didn't see Pitch perfect until like 7 months after it came out. Like OMG. And then to add to it, Ellen Page comes out! Like seriously, this weekend is like awesomeness. Leave a review about Ellen Page, Frozen or this chapter (this is preferable, but whatever). All is appreciated. _**


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